Pancake, Vulnerability, And The Men Who Wrestle with God

So... this has been almost the worst week ever for me. Spiritually that is. I picked up something that I had given up, and it of course... ran me straight into a brick wall. My walk is not going anywhere. I had lots of knees and face to the ground time. Alot Alot. I read just about the whole book of Psalms too. Didn't do me any good. At least, not how I wanted it to.

I wanted that attitude gone. But that doesn't mean God just takes it away just like that. He can, sure, but that's not how it works more often than not. You have to give it up, you have to really desire it, or as God has shown me, I have to beat it on my own, then he will take the rest.

I got almost an hour of sleep tuesday night, I spent it with God, I know he spoke to me, but I didn't hear, my mind was too distracted and my heart was too hard. The next I was running on no sleep, which gives God more leeway into my heart because without sleep it's alot harder to to hold up defenses. So I start hearing God more. Did I mention the Chris Tomlin/Matt Redman/Louie Giglio thing was amazing. God talked alot then. He was there oh my gosh was he there. Louie Giglio was speaking prophecies and didn't even know it. Haha

Fast forward to thursday, I spend the whole day with God again, haven't heard him all morning. A dear friend whom I love dearly, and knows wha'ts going on with me texted me. "How are you"
I reply, "I just need a word, I need God to tell me something, even if God says pancake I'm good."
I send it and close the phone, guess what I hear from the still small voice.
"Pancake"

God just said pancake.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I love God.

God speaks when you listen.
You might not like what he says, but he does speak.


This thought has been swirling in my head all day, here is my best attempt at putting it to words:
The worlds concept of a man says to be cold, unapologetic, never to cry, never to feel or show weakness. This is a lie from hell. A real man is one who can stand up for his actions, to put his heart out to one who would break it. A real man will wrestle with God himself over what he knows is right, because the love God has given him demands no less. A real man will get down on his knees and weep simply because his heart is broken for those he loves who have not felt the greater love that changes his life every single day.

In Genesis 32 Jacob is camping out, he sends his family away so he can be by himself. That night he wrestles with God. He wrestles until daybreak, the man fighting Jacob says "let me go." Jacob's reply is fantastic, "Not until you bless me!" So God blesses him, and changes his name. "Israel, because you have fought with God and won.

I had a dream. The first dream in as long as I can remember, and that was it, except Jacob is me. I woke up with my heart beating hard and fast like I had been wrestling. I look up at the ceiling and smile and my first words of the day "I win."
And he blessed me.

Genesis 32:28
-Jason

Inebriated, Standing Ovations, and Kill the Devil!

"Intoxicated" By the great and amazing David Crowder

Intoxicating You are to me
Illuminating You are to see
Truly breathtaking You are to breathe
Sending my head spinning You are, You see

And I've lost my mind, I'm sure to find
Need to apologize for my
Lack of inhibition, for my belligerent condition
But with You this near I'm dizzy

Inebriating You are to me
Completely captivating You are yo see
Sending my world spinning You are, You see

And now I find a blurry line
Here between You and I
Raise the cup, drink 'til I'm full
Sing 'til I can't, 'til my voice is gone
And my head is spinning

CHORUS:
La, la dee da
La dee da, dee da
Dee da da da
Hey la, la dee da
La dee da, dee da
Dee da da da

Illuminating You are to see
Truly breathtaking You are to breathe
Sending my head spinning You are, You see

And now I find a blurry line
Here between you and I
Raise the cup, drink 'til I'm full
Sing 'til I can't, 'til my voice is gone
And my head is spinning dizzy

If I'm out of my mind it's You, You
'Cause I'm crazy in love with You, You
Inebriated by You, You
'Cause I'm head over heels with You, You

I love that song.
It so describes where I am. My Savior--My Father brings me such joy.
It is overwhelming, head over heels, makes me crazy.
I love it. I love him. haha
He is my joy.
Whenever you wonder why Im crazy, it is because God made me that way, and the joy that he gives me makes me.... special. :-D


A scripture that has been on my heart lately is Acts 7.
Stephen is preaching in Jerusalem, the first part of sermons attracted a crowd, it was truth, but comfortable truth that the religious leaders could agree with. Then he gets to the good part and in my translation uses the term "Stiff-necked people."
Stephen was still speaking truth, but now it was uncomfortable.
He ticked off the same people that killed Jesus. The process was about to repeat itself with Stephen. Stephen knew it.
He looked up at the heavens and saw something glorious. Literally.
Acts 7:55
But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed steadily into heaven and saw the glory of God, and he saw Jesus standing in the place of honor at God's right hand.

This question I pose to you. Why was Jesus standing?
In every other reference Jesus is sitting at the right hand of the Father.
So why here... is Jesus standing?

I'm thinking... Standing ovation.
Well done my good and faithful servant!
Stephen is about to die for what he believe is... for the Lord he loves so dearly. And there he is, with a standing ovation welcoming him into eternity.

At the end of my life I can think of nothing greater than to have a standing ovation welcoming me into heaven. Either that or I leave like Elijah.
God can pick. :-)

After all the spiritual warfare surrounding myself and my friends lately, it has been a fight every single day. I keep thinking though... standing ovation. And then, there's that part where you get to sit on the throne, with God! haha, I can't wait for heaven.

I want to live the kind of love that is deserving of that standing ovation. Deserving of the Savior rising to his feet off his throne of grace and bestowing an honor that brings a glorious close to a life well lived.

It is not an easy life to be sure, as I said, Satans been fighting every step of the way.
8 of my friends are about jump out of their cheers and shout when I say this, you know who you are.
Kill the Devil!

You know the Devils got it in for you. He has a plan to destroy your life, and he actively does everything he can to make you fall, to pull you out of Gods plan.
I hate him.
I really do.
Kill the Devil.
Becomes a battlecry, Kill the Devil!
In Christ, we have authority over anything he can do, and he has no business messing in the lives of those we love. He has no business interfering with our hearts trying to focus on the will of God.

It's time we step up, live lives worthy of a standing ovation, live lives everyday for Christ, even if we go to Hell at the end of the day, because its worth it.

Kill the Devil.
Rev 22:21
-Jason

P.S
Hey la, la dee da, la dee da, dee da, dee da da da

Authority, White Flags, And All the Pretty Flowers,

I went to Mardi Gras today.
Me and Mardi Gras do not get along.
All that sin, emptiness.
It is the devils playground, his dominion. It's not hell, but you can see it from there.
So Satan rules that place.

God rules Satan.

I was there for outreach, went with the church and I handed out tracks.
It was depressing to see all those broken and empty hearts.
But it was amazing to see God move in the middle of the Devils space.
Haha, God made such a glorious appearance today, there was one point where I just had to go sit down because of what he did.
I could not stand.
Just a dose of Gods glory is enough to push back the devil has to offer.
All of the saved have that authority. We have authority over all in this world. It rocks.
Do not be afraid to do something crazy for God, you have all the power and authority. In John 14 Jesus says we can do the same things he did on earth, in fact, we can do greater things.
WE CAN DO GREATER THINGS THAN JESUS.

Go.


God has been dealing with me alot lately, molding me, I've been telling him that I don't care if it hurts, whatever he has to do to make me grow in him. Do it.
So he says. "You asked for it"

It is painful, it is glorious. He has called me to take some time out of things and put it into others things. Read: (Get off the internet and talk to me.)
Yea. Good enough for me.
He's called me to stop.
Stop doing everything and just stop... smell the flowers, living life without a pause ruins the rest. I am slowing down, I am stopping to enjoy the simple things in life. Smelling all the pretty flowers.

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die."

True that. I've used the title "I. Am... A Dead Man Walking" before, this is true of me. But I keep trying to resurrect myself. Things of this world, not even sins, just distractions, and they want my attention over God. Bad idea. Must stay focused.
God tries to show me everytime, before it even happens. But I'm not the brightest light you'll ever see. So it takes me a while. But then I get it.
I get it.
I'm waving my white flag to the heavens and saying
"Ok you have me, Can we go move mountains today Abba?"

You have the Authority to do greater things than Christ.
Once you surrender.

Have no fear, Salvation is here.


Rev 22:21
-Jason

Emotions, The still small voice, and You TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!

Ok so I have something on my heart and me being the obsessive compulsive I am, I blog.
So emotions pretty much make the world turn around. Emotions can motivate (or un-motivate) a person like all but one other power in the universe. (Guess.)

Dare I say emotion can override even that power if u let it.
I apologize but Im going to get preachy.
Satan knows exactly the effect and power emotions have over you. He uses that like no other.

There is no temptation greater than that which you feel is justified.

"I can't help that Im angry with him after what he did to me."

YES YOU CAN!
The Bible says "Do not let the sun set upon your anger"
It also says "They will know we are Christians by our love."

Those two compliment each other don't they.
The Wright paraphrase (hehe) says "Fix your problems, get over it because the Creator of the universe will fix what you can't and the sun will rise tomorrow and he will bless you for your faith, though you may not see it for some time."

"They will know we are Christians by our love." (Not really a paraphrase needed here)
1st Corinthians 13 gives the traits of love, anger is not in there, I actually double checked for reasons that make up a whole nother blog. lol

Everyone sins, it is not the sin the shows the character of a person, it is how they conduct themselves afterwards that shows their true colors.

Don't you dare judge someone on their mistakes. You are to love them unconditionally, as Jesus did. Their crime is of no consequences, or even how they conduct themselves afterwards, the greatest commandment is to love.
So by all means, do one of the great things God designed you to do,

Love.
Love without expectation, Love without ever expecting get anything back, you are loved by God, and he will give you friends who unconditionally love you, but do not expect, because this world will only fall short of what your looking for.

God will always give you the strength to love, no matter how angry you get, or hard it becomes, if you ask you will receive.
I found this awesome translation of the Bibles that refers to love in the context of a woman, this is 1st Corinthians 13:5-7
And never is she rude,
      Never does she think of self
      Or ever get annoyed.
      She never is resentful,
6      Is never glad with sin,
      But always glad to side with truth,
      Whene’er the truth should win.
7      She bears up under everything,
      Believes the best in all,
      There is no limit to her hope,
      And never will she fall.

I just wanna say the Bible is a really good book.

You can control your emotions, your desires, liking someone is a choice as well as making them your enemy. You can take the view of complacency with your emotions, or you can take responsibility with what you think and feel. It's a terrifying thing to take control of the dark places of your mind. But then again, if the creator of the universe is with you, then is there anything to be afraid of?

There are defenses in everyones minds. Emotions are such powerful things that we just grow into protecting ourselves. Keeping some things secret from others, even ourselves. These walls need to come down. I've had walls, trust me as terrifying as it may be to let down your defenses, it is worth it, because then and only then can you experience Gods love in its purest form, and radiate it to those around you.

You say you can't, or that there is nothing wrong with the walls you do have.
Well your right, you probably can't get them down by yourself, it takes help.
So there's nothing wrong with the walls you have, well then, tell me something.
Has anyone ever asked you what your keeping inside? Maybe the fact that they can see it means it needs to come out? It's already coming out anyway, stop fighting it, or it will kill you slowly until you finally break down and all those walls go up stronger than ever before, after of course, the worst pain of your entire life from everything coming down at once.

You can't help yourself alone.

 She bears up under everything,
      Believes the best in all,
      There is no limit to her hope,
      And never will she fall.

Rev. 22:21
-Jason

25,000 Jesus Freaks, old new friends, and the walking anti-depressant

25,000 Jesus Freaks, old new friends, and the walking anti-depressant

Here again is the list of people that are here:
David Crowder* Band, John Piper, Louie Giglio, Charlie Hall, Chris Tomlin, Tim Hughes, Christy Nockels, Beth Moore, Leeland, Shane and Shane, Matt Redman, Francis Chan, Steve Fee, Shawn Mcdonald, Aaron Shust.



It begins Sunday with a 6 hour drive accompanied by C.S Lewis and a little David Crowder.
I must get myself properly krunk.
Mac spellcheck is incomplete and does not include my creative wordage. Blah.
Anyway, I spent the night at my old friend Sams house with the company of Rob Bell videos and some lovely guitars.
Passion 2007 Day One 2:early A.M
My cell phone needs a nicer more considerate alarm, i file this away in my mind to remember in a time when I can change it, even though I wont remember it until it bothers me again.
"I'm up, the sun is not up, this is unnatural."
We go to Sams church and meet his friends, Which are awesome, we all load up to head to passion. ROAD TRIP!
Yeehaa!
So we get the party started at registration, where the term for myself is first used by someone besides myself. "The walking anti-depressant."
Sweet!

Wow. So tonight as I write this it is one 3 A.M on day 3. A few hours ago Charlie Hall, Chris Tomlin, Christy Nockels, and Louie Giglio kicked off this 4 day party. Now, at this point I imagine your disappointed at my lack of excitement over what I've just experienced. Well, im exhausted, but for the sake of you my readers....
*clears throat*
YYYYYEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!
AAAAWWWWWEEEEESSSSOOOOMMMMEEEE!!!!!!!!
Anyway.....

2007 Day Two 2:freaking early A.M
My cell phone needs a nicer more considerate alarm, I file this away in my mind to remember in a time when I can change it, even though I wont remember it until it bothers me again.
Beth moore speaks that morning, Amazing message, even though shes a little nutty. (I'm sorry but my guy-ness does not allow accurate communication between myself and her.)
But I digress, Chris Tomlin is one of the best worship leaders in the world.

David Crowder had a session where he and Mike Hogan talked about their book, "Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die, or the Eschatology of Bluegrass." Yay Marty Freakin Stuart! (inside joke dont worry about it)
It's amazing, go buy it.
So I've decided David Crowder is the coolest man on this earth, I'd already decided that, but it is now reaffirmed. He has an orange macbook, and has a hair style named after him.
My hero.
He told some stories that were just hilarious and kinda weird. Yay weird people with hair that adds feet to their height!
Francis Chan preached what was arguably the best message of the week on this night. His illustrations included Pez Dispensers and Jack Bauer, so you know it was amazing.
Community Groups happened every night and was the time we had to talk about what God was doing in each of us, there was always something. This group is in my photos, just that group of 8 or so, we got so close over the week, oh I miss them so....

Day 3: I didn't even know a clock could show time this early in the morning.
My cell phone needs a nicer more considerate alarm, I file this away in my mind to remember in a time when I can change it, even though I wont remember it until it bothers me again. Caleb White and myself get up 2 hours after we go to bed to go to the Kneel Center. This is Passions prayer center, you can go 24/7 during the concert and pray. It sits at the bottom of a 5 story waterfall in the Atlanta World Congress Center. I had a nice talk with God in the peace of that place, it was pretty much awesome.
John Piper speaks and does his thing, in his breakout session later that day he cusses, which made me laugh. Call me a sinner but it was funny. :-)
That night Louie spoke on missions, and it was probably the second best message for the week. I'll probably write a blog on it later....
I went to a Leeland concert too, Leeland is flippin awesome. Its like Mae meets red jumpsuit apparatus x2+Jesus=Go buy their CD.
I cannot forget the candlelight service, they marched all 25,000 of us into a field where there was a stage set up and gave all of u candles. They do some awesome music and we light our candles and they set up a cross in a field right in the middle of downtown Atlanta. It was amazing. This was followed by the most amazing concert ever.
I get to the room on day four and stay up having deep conversations till 4 a.m


Day 4 7:00 A.M
My cell phone needs a nicer more considerate alarm, I file this away in my mind to remember in a time when I can change it, even though I wont remember it until it bothers me again. I somehow turn it off without registering a conscious thought that this means "GET YO LAZY SELF OUT OF BED"
8:40 A.M
I wake up.
I feel like doing a John Piper but my first word of the day is restrained to "crap."
I do two hours of getting ready and packing and showering in 20 minutes. I'm pretty sure God stopped time for me, but its Passion so I imagine that happens regularly to most everybody.
Louie talked about how we basically blew away all estimates for giving and missions volunteers and stuff. There will be no Passion 2008. There will be smaller regional events that will only last a weekend. Passion itself is going international. Its kinda awesome.
So thats the general extraordinarily abbreviated version of my week at Passion 2007. I will be blogging about the specifics for months. lol
God did so much in everyone in so many ways, there are no words for much of it, but I will bring you what I can. Stay tuned.

Rev. 22:21
-Jason

The Rebel, The Redemption and this is for all the little people....

I have a leather jacket that is so cool. Those of you have seen it know what im talkin about, and probly just smiled a little bit when you thought about it as you mumble something to yourself about me being a dork and needing new clothes.
Shush. Your getting me off track.

There are a few theorys for why I like "The allegedly bulletproof semi-shiny jacket of rebellion"
1. It has shiny stars on it, Im fond of shiny things
2. Its unique, and vintage. Word.
3. It has shiny stars on it.
4. It is theoretically bulletproof
5. It's black, i look good in black. (I probly should throw the word "theoretically" in this statement to.)
6. It has shiny stuff on it, and stars that shine in the light-I know how to make it glow. (Lord help me I've referenced a rap song in a blog.)
7. It makes me look like a rebel

Now... I choose to ignore the first 6 points and focus on the last one.

A rebel can be a fun title, especially one so mischievous (yay spellcheck!) as myself. I went to University of Mobile friday and saturday and spent the night on campus. Starting there next fall yay go college but anyway....

I love the thought of the freedom, of doing stupid crap that you will look at the scar later and laugh about it. Now, ill pretend every girl reader didnt just think with a sigh "boys" and i'll press on.

I used to be a rebel against authority in general, just a rebel, the quiet kid who never got caught but most certainly did some things he wasnt supposed to. lol
(What can I say I'm good at what I do.)

In case you don't know my life story ill put it in a run-on sentence sized nut-shell and you can ask about the interesting parts and ill tell you.

Little kid, church all the time, meant jack squat, questioned Gods perfect will, suicide, moving, growing up, finding Jesus fo real, finding joy, finding true friendship, being blessed, growing in Christ, finding a girl, breaking up with girl cause she doesnt love Jesus, growing up more, loving Jesus more, finding true love from above, finding purpose.

Yea ask about anything you want and ill tell ya.

So I found God, and I found love and I found purpose. I'm still a rebel, but now I have a cause.

I am Vindicated!
I am forgiven, I am redeemed of everything I have done wrong.

I rebel not out of being conceited, but because the expectations of this world are nothing, NOTHING compared to what I have found. I rebel against this world and what they tell me to believe, because I can do better!!!

I am Vindicated
I am running for the finish line
Just this time, This loser will get a crown

I run the race,
my steps I will never retrace
for the cause I run for you,

The cause of love
the cause of grace
the dream of when I will see you face to face

Just wrote that, you should hear it with a guitar....

We are so infinitesimal compared to God.
I feel so small in the shadow of him, even seeing tiny glimpses of his power leaves me breathless, in tears, trembling, for lack of a better word.... high. (Yea i said it, lol)

Our human bodies and minds can't handle the power of God, seeing him would kill us, and just the glimpses we get of things he does leave us so affected. I love it.
If you've never felt that, here's how:

When we passionately pursue the cause of Christ, the evidence of Gods glory becomes all the more evident, it becomes on your mind more than anything else. Praying unceasingly becomes a reality, and the desires of your heart match those of the one who created you.
It is not easy, the harder you strive for Christ the more satan fights you. I say to him bring it on. I am madly in love with the creator of the universe, I have already won.
All the people who do big things, because they see how small they are in the sight of God. Then God did something big through them, watch for it, it happens all the time.
God Bless the little people....

We have already won!
Rev. 22:21
-Jason
P.S. I copied this blog from myspace for my first blog here. All future blogs will be posted in both places, but lets just admit... this is cooler.