God I miss you.
These words roll off in prayer before I think them, then I stop for a moment as I realize what I just said. How can I miss God when he is always with me? But from the overflow of the heart I seem to have spoken a phrase beyond my own understanding, so I write.
Though God is always with me I do not always feel his presence, as all Christians know, whether we like it or not, we do not always as if God is there at all. This is usually a fault of our own but occasionally it is simply a test from God himself to take us beyond where we thought we could go.
I feel the presence of God with me now to an extent, he is the only reason I can maintain the pace that I do and not burn out.
What I miss is the overflow of joy that comes from not only his presence but his love constantly pouring out in my life that does not allow me to get comfortable, the outpouring of love that not only makes me joyful but passionate. Not just passionate in the things that matter most, but passionate with every thing that I do, because he called me to this place, and every word I speak and every move I make should be for the glory of him, within his perfect will and plan.
That passion is what I miss. The passion that only comes from God,
The passion that makes me want to SHOUT and DANCE and SING.
Call me foolish, that I should be content with the style of worship in quiet reverence and stillness that is an attitude of the heart and is not reflected externally.
I cannot hold in what is within my heart without it showing externally, I cannot keep myself still, to be reverent is not only the attitude of the heart but for me to worship in spirit and truth I CANNOT KEEP SILENT.
As I seek God I see glimpses of what he is doing, whether directly in my life or in the world around me I see it. It brings me joy; it makes me hunger for more. To live in an attitude of worship, of constant prayer is my greatest desire, and as I see God work it makes me want to pursue more and more.
This pursuit is directly reflected in actions, once again the overflow of the heart…. Therefore it is most directly reflected in my worship, as my life should be an act of worship, but it isn’t always (workin on it) so we’ll just talk about the specific worship in Church or a Campus Bible Study.
(Disclaimer: I must thank Dr. Younce for this paragraph, because after I wrote this in Christian Studies building lobby he speaks on this in class, so this stuff is from my notes.)
God desires us to worship him; he seeks us to worship him. Worship draws you closer to God, and as you draw closer to God you begin to look more like him, therefore being reflected in your life from the meditations of your heart to where you decide to eat lunch to how you respond to hardship. It is all changed because of worship.
So as I worship I find myself drawing closer to God and him in turn to me. This means my heart, my soul, is more like his, and thus I have joy, I have peace, I have a PASSION for LIFE that is BEYOND understanding, I have passion to spread his love, just as Isaiah 26:8 says: “LORD we show our trust in you by obeying your laws, our hearts desire is to glorify your name.”
Hearts desire. When he has our hearts within his love our will looks like his, I know I’m repeating myself a lot but this affects so much of our lives I could write forever and never reach the end of how much worship means to us every moment. I’ll just leave the interpretation of this to you and the Holy Spirit and stop saying the same thing over and over….
Perhaps we should all be missing God, and we should all be so hungry for his love and for the fulfilled life he brings that it is not only a desire for more but it is a palpable emotion of actually missing our Father.
But then again maybe I’m wrong. Seek God and decide for yourself. ☺
Psalm 42:1
-Israel
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Choices, Changes, and the madness of the Apostle Paul
The things I want to do I do not do, and what I do not want to do I do.
These words of Paul from Romans 7:15 are my heart at this moment. In this I feel what he felt, that I desire to be closer to God, but I am continuously propelled backward by my sin nature. It is maddeningly frustrating, but I understand the madness of the Apostle Paul. Indeed, I find myself feeling the same way.
I made the decision before this semester started that things were going to be different. I was going to call God out on his promises. What I mean by this is that he has promised to take me as far spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as I will let them him take me in maturity. I want to be that Man of God.
And I will not play games anymore.
This is bigger than me, than my conceited desires of this world that seek for ownership of my soul, and will take every piece that I let them take.
But only as much as I let them
The Christian life is a choice.
You choose to accept Salvation, and once you have you are no longer a sinner. You are a Saint who sins, but only as much as you choose to.
The reason all sin is the same in Gods’ eyes is because all sin is compromise, it is all us making the choice that “this isn’t so bad….”
Through all your individual stipulations and specific situations and whatever excuses you use to make yourself more comfortable with sin the fact remains that it is a choice.
I’m not trying to just preach fire and brimstone and condemnation or anything like that. I’m just sharing my heart, because I am just as guilty as you are. To quote Paul again as he parallels my own life, “I am the chief of sinners.”
Indeed I am, even as I make the choice to change my life to pursue God more completely I am still a sinner.
But I digress… I am a Saint who sins.
And once you have made the choice to accept salvation, so are you.
So I urge you, through our brokenness, to help each other pursue God more completely than we ever have before.
Though I myself have compromised, though I have discovered the madness and the frustration of “the things I want to do I do not do, and what I do not want to do I do.”
I am still loved by God, and through my shortcomings there is his grace, and through my faults I am yet loved more than I can ever understand.
A life in full pursuit of God cannot be lived alone, you have to have brothers and sisters sharpening you, keeping you accountable, and growing with you.
So I ask for your help, join me in this pursuit of God, and do not accept compromise, for the sake of us both. Pursue him passionately, with nothing held back, and see what he does in return.
John 17:12
-Israel
These words of Paul from Romans 7:15 are my heart at this moment. In this I feel what he felt, that I desire to be closer to God, but I am continuously propelled backward by my sin nature. It is maddeningly frustrating, but I understand the madness of the Apostle Paul. Indeed, I find myself feeling the same way.
I made the decision before this semester started that things were going to be different. I was going to call God out on his promises. What I mean by this is that he has promised to take me as far spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as I will let them him take me in maturity. I want to be that Man of God.
And I will not play games anymore.
This is bigger than me, than my conceited desires of this world that seek for ownership of my soul, and will take every piece that I let them take.
But only as much as I let them
The Christian life is a choice.
You choose to accept Salvation, and once you have you are no longer a sinner. You are a Saint who sins, but only as much as you choose to.
The reason all sin is the same in Gods’ eyes is because all sin is compromise, it is all us making the choice that “this isn’t so bad….”
Through all your individual stipulations and specific situations and whatever excuses you use to make yourself more comfortable with sin the fact remains that it is a choice.
I’m not trying to just preach fire and brimstone and condemnation or anything like that. I’m just sharing my heart, because I am just as guilty as you are. To quote Paul again as he parallels my own life, “I am the chief of sinners.”
Indeed I am, even as I make the choice to change my life to pursue God more completely I am still a sinner.
But I digress… I am a Saint who sins.
And once you have made the choice to accept salvation, so are you.
So I urge you, through our brokenness, to help each other pursue God more completely than we ever have before.
Though I myself have compromised, though I have discovered the madness and the frustration of “the things I want to do I do not do, and what I do not want to do I do.”
I am still loved by God, and through my shortcomings there is his grace, and through my faults I am yet loved more than I can ever understand.
A life in full pursuit of God cannot be lived alone, you have to have brothers and sisters sharpening you, keeping you accountable, and growing with you.
So I ask for your help, join me in this pursuit of God, and do not accept compromise, for the sake of us both. Pursue him passionately, with nothing held back, and see what he does in return.
John 17:12
-Israel
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Death, Love, and the God Who Weeps for His People
Jesus Wept.
The shortest verse in the Bible, but I’m only beginning to understand the breadth of it.
It was after the death of his friend Lazarus; he waited to return to help him until the man had been dead for four days. When he arrived Mary was crying, everyone was distraught, everyone was mad at Jesus, because they knew he could have helped. Jesus asked to see the body, then breaks down.
The Savior of the universe, Son of GOD, breaks down and cries.
Why?
He was about to heal Lazarus, why would he cry, why not laugh, berate them for their doubt, and then call the man up out of his grave. It would have been a big glorious show of the power of God, but Jesus contrasted with all those possibilities by breaking down into tears. I’m so hung up on this… why?
Oh the… humanity?
The humanity of Jesus is something that is most widely discussed in something like the DaVinci Code where he is portrayed as impregnating Mary etc. etc. excuse me while I puke.
Jesus was fully man and fully God. Ok, that makes no sense so don’t preach to me that crap without explaining what it means. (Can you tell I’m in Church all the time?)
Jesus was human, like you and I. He had the same weaknesses, the same mind, and the same heart, just like us. He was tempted, he was hurt, he laughed, he cried, he bled, he got hungry and he even had to pee. He had to control his thoughts and emotions just like we are… supposed to. What made Jesus capable of that?
He had the same promise we do, he was just more aware of it, because he was the Son of God.
He was the embodiment of the conscience that drives you and I toward the truth.
He was (is) a man, but he was the walking example of how scripture was supposed to be lived.
That’s why Jesus is so amazing; he was just like us, but without the willingness to compromise that messes us up every time.
And so he wept, he could carry the weight of his calling anymore without cracking just a little. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for him to stay away those extra days. It must have torn him apart, then he gets there to see Mary so broken, his friend gone, his alleged friends berating him for not doing what he “should have done.” He couldn’t carry that burden, that… cross… anymore.
This changes my entire perspective on the man Jesus; he isn’t just the example of perfection that I’ll never reach. He was a broken man who went by each day giving his best with a determination unrivaled, because he loved those broken souls around him that much.
All for love.
He wept because he loved his people so much that their despair broke him, even though he could fix it, he knew the cost.
Even then, he knew the cost.
This blog is so incomplete that I did not want to post it, but here are my thoughts so far. :-)
Psalm 27:8
-Israel
The shortest verse in the Bible, but I’m only beginning to understand the breadth of it.
It was after the death of his friend Lazarus; he waited to return to help him until the man had been dead for four days. When he arrived Mary was crying, everyone was distraught, everyone was mad at Jesus, because they knew he could have helped. Jesus asked to see the body, then breaks down.
The Savior of the universe, Son of GOD, breaks down and cries.
Why?
He was about to heal Lazarus, why would he cry, why not laugh, berate them for their doubt, and then call the man up out of his grave. It would have been a big glorious show of the power of God, but Jesus contrasted with all those possibilities by breaking down into tears. I’m so hung up on this… why?
Oh the… humanity?
The humanity of Jesus is something that is most widely discussed in something like the DaVinci Code where he is portrayed as impregnating Mary etc. etc. excuse me while I puke.
Jesus was fully man and fully God. Ok, that makes no sense so don’t preach to me that crap without explaining what it means. (Can you tell I’m in Church all the time?)
Jesus was human, like you and I. He had the same weaknesses, the same mind, and the same heart, just like us. He was tempted, he was hurt, he laughed, he cried, he bled, he got hungry and he even had to pee. He had to control his thoughts and emotions just like we are… supposed to. What made Jesus capable of that?
He had the same promise we do, he was just more aware of it, because he was the Son of God.
He was the embodiment of the conscience that drives you and I toward the truth.
He was (is) a man, but he was the walking example of how scripture was supposed to be lived.
That’s why Jesus is so amazing; he was just like us, but without the willingness to compromise that messes us up every time.
And so he wept, he could carry the weight of his calling anymore without cracking just a little. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for him to stay away those extra days. It must have torn him apart, then he gets there to see Mary so broken, his friend gone, his alleged friends berating him for not doing what he “should have done.” He couldn’t carry that burden, that… cross… anymore.
This changes my entire perspective on the man Jesus; he isn’t just the example of perfection that I’ll never reach. He was a broken man who went by each day giving his best with a determination unrivaled, because he loved those broken souls around him that much.
All for love.
He wept because he loved his people so much that their despair broke him, even though he could fix it, he knew the cost.
Even then, he knew the cost.
This blog is so incomplete that I did not want to post it, but here are my thoughts so far. :-)
Psalm 27:8
-Israel
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Contradictions, The Soul, and Reason Versus Emotion
Lately God has laid on my heart my non-existent understanding of the human psyche in relation to making decision based on emotions or reason. To simplify this, to make a decision based on reason is done with the mind through logic and reason by fact; even if you’re going on faith you can make a decision by reason. But then again, faith is partially an emotion. And there’s the conundrum, you cannot make a decision solely by reason, but if you make a decision solely by emotion you will be lead astray. “The heart is deceitful above all things,” says the prophet Jeremiah. So there must be a median ground that we can all rely on to make decision that will hold up to the mind’s God has given us while still not ignoring the emotions that God has given us as well. I understanding that understanding will come with age and wisdom but I am a logical person so it helps to write it out.
I am also a very passionate person; do you see my world of contradictions?
That’s really as far as I’ve gotten in my understanding of this, I find myself contradicting myself at every turn and I feel… I feel, so am I writing this blog with emotion or with reason or with a strange combination of both that I cannot identify nor understand?
Can you tell I’m enjoying this? ☺
The way I see it, a persons soul is their most valuable possession. You can understand why, our bodies and our things pass away, but our soul is us forever. I believe the heart is the greatest part of the soul. The soul is composed of our passions, the things that mean the most to us. Wouldn’t you agree that a person is not passionate is… empty?
You cannot make a decision solely on reason; you have to use an emotion to block out your other emotions. You are designed to use both.
Jesus prayed in the garden for God not to make him die on the cross, that was emotion.
But he also prayed “not my will but yours” that was reason. Emotion played it’s part in both, but if reason had not played a part then Jesus would not have done it, because he was as much a human as you or I.
He knocked over tables. That was emotion, but it was done with the intention to make a point and it did not cross a line.
Emotion caused the fall of humanity. The woman let her heart control her and the man just stood there with no control at all. That sounds familiar doesn’t it?
So as you can see Biblically that both play a part, and the test I will use on myself is very simple and I’m disappointed in myself that I did not get to this point earlier.
If you are making a decision that feels like emotion and you are not sure your mind is getting through, ask yourself if this decision glorifies God.
Will it bring you closer to him?
Will it bring others closer to him?
Guard your heart; be aware of the thoughts of your mind and the meditations of your heart.
God gave you both for a reason, use both of them, be aware of where God is calling you to be and you will not make the mistake of Adam and Eve.
Psalm 19:11
Psalm 86:11
-Jason
P.S Thanks to Daniel Chandler for helping me write this blog. He's the man. And he needs a girlfriend.
I am also a very passionate person; do you see my world of contradictions?
That’s really as far as I’ve gotten in my understanding of this, I find myself contradicting myself at every turn and I feel… I feel, so am I writing this blog with emotion or with reason or with a strange combination of both that I cannot identify nor understand?
Can you tell I’m enjoying this? ☺
The way I see it, a persons soul is their most valuable possession. You can understand why, our bodies and our things pass away, but our soul is us forever. I believe the heart is the greatest part of the soul. The soul is composed of our passions, the things that mean the most to us. Wouldn’t you agree that a person is not passionate is… empty?
You cannot make a decision solely on reason; you have to use an emotion to block out your other emotions. You are designed to use both.
Jesus prayed in the garden for God not to make him die on the cross, that was emotion.
But he also prayed “not my will but yours” that was reason. Emotion played it’s part in both, but if reason had not played a part then Jesus would not have done it, because he was as much a human as you or I.
He knocked over tables. That was emotion, but it was done with the intention to make a point and it did not cross a line.
Emotion caused the fall of humanity. The woman let her heart control her and the man just stood there with no control at all. That sounds familiar doesn’t it?
So as you can see Biblically that both play a part, and the test I will use on myself is very simple and I’m disappointed in myself that I did not get to this point earlier.
If you are making a decision that feels like emotion and you are not sure your mind is getting through, ask yourself if this decision glorifies God.
Will it bring you closer to him?
Will it bring others closer to him?
Guard your heart; be aware of the thoughts of your mind and the meditations of your heart.
God gave you both for a reason, use both of them, be aware of where God is calling you to be and you will not make the mistake of Adam and Eve.
Psalm 19:11
Psalm 86:11
-Jason
P.S Thanks to Daniel Chandler for helping me write this blog. He's the man. And he needs a girlfriend.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Sleep, a little warfare and what God wants for Christmas...
I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
But seriously, give me five more minutes.
After two hours of sleep for the second day in a row I was seriously considering re-considering my sleep when I’m dead philosophy. I spent the weekend doing mission work in New Orleans and I don’t have anything to say in this blog, but my heart is heavy for what I’ve seen this weekend; so I write.
I first noticed the spiritual warfare during the drive down on Friday. I started praying not only for myself but also for the entire one hundred and thirty-four of us headed into the valley of darkness. (I’m allowed a little creative explanation aren’t I?)
Spiritual warfare is an interesting thing. It is a battle that I look forward to fighting when I am prepared (suited up in the armor of God as described in Ephesians 6.) The battle means that I am making a difference, so it’s a comfort. When I’m not prepared I get ripped to shreds.
I was getting used to living in the bubble of the University of Mobile, my home for the next 3 years is for lack of a better term “anointed real estate.” This is an institution founded on the principles of Christianity and I believe that God blesses it as such, spiritual warfare is a piece of cake on this campus compared to a city so overcome by powers beyond what we see.
There is a war going on, and a place like New Orleans is an intense place to be.
God did not use me on the trip as much as I hoped he would, I am unafraid to go talk to people, I don’t care if they have a gun, they need the message just as much as any other sinner like those of us who were going to help. So… I had hoped God would use me to do such a thing as that and see someone radically saved through me et cetera et cetera….
I missed the point, and God used me, but I did (and still) do not understand why he would hold me back from talking to certain people or saying certain things that I know would make a difference.
His plan is bigger… and I work for him.
I was talking to a friend the first night and a thought came to me as we discussed the group of students on this mission.
“What would happen if we had 134 students with an Isaiah 26:8 passionate desire for the glory of Christ on earth?
What would happen if these few walked in to the French quarter with boldness and talked to every single person they met on the street without fear, and with such boldness that people could not help but notice. There is something different….
What would happen if we forgot about ourselves and walked in union with the Holy Spirit and could take captive our thoughts to the detail of saying exactly what God told us to do?”
We did not try to answer.
And now I apply this to you.
What would happen if you took captive every thought and walked close enough with the Lord to know exactly what he was saying?
What would happen if you forgot yourself, your desires, your love for anything but Christ and lived for that alone?
I leave the answer to you.
Remember I am always here for commentary on these blogs, or if you need someone to talk to, realize that as a reader of these thoughts you know me more intimately than many people who see me everyday. I guess that makes us good friends, I’d love to hear what you think of these, or what you want to hear a blog about.
Psalm 86:11
-Israel
But seriously, give me five more minutes.
After two hours of sleep for the second day in a row I was seriously considering re-considering my sleep when I’m dead philosophy. I spent the weekend doing mission work in New Orleans and I don’t have anything to say in this blog, but my heart is heavy for what I’ve seen this weekend; so I write.
I first noticed the spiritual warfare during the drive down on Friday. I started praying not only for myself but also for the entire one hundred and thirty-four of us headed into the valley of darkness. (I’m allowed a little creative explanation aren’t I?)
Spiritual warfare is an interesting thing. It is a battle that I look forward to fighting when I am prepared (suited up in the armor of God as described in Ephesians 6.) The battle means that I am making a difference, so it’s a comfort. When I’m not prepared I get ripped to shreds.
I was getting used to living in the bubble of the University of Mobile, my home for the next 3 years is for lack of a better term “anointed real estate.” This is an institution founded on the principles of Christianity and I believe that God blesses it as such, spiritual warfare is a piece of cake on this campus compared to a city so overcome by powers beyond what we see.
There is a war going on, and a place like New Orleans is an intense place to be.
God did not use me on the trip as much as I hoped he would, I am unafraid to go talk to people, I don’t care if they have a gun, they need the message just as much as any other sinner like those of us who were going to help. So… I had hoped God would use me to do such a thing as that and see someone radically saved through me et cetera et cetera….
I missed the point, and God used me, but I did (and still) do not understand why he would hold me back from talking to certain people or saying certain things that I know would make a difference.
His plan is bigger… and I work for him.
I was talking to a friend the first night and a thought came to me as we discussed the group of students on this mission.
“What would happen if we had 134 students with an Isaiah 26:8 passionate desire for the glory of Christ on earth?
What would happen if these few walked in to the French quarter with boldness and talked to every single person they met on the street without fear, and with such boldness that people could not help but notice. There is something different….
What would happen if we forgot about ourselves and walked in union with the Holy Spirit and could take captive our thoughts to the detail of saying exactly what God told us to do?”
We did not try to answer.
And now I apply this to you.
What would happen if you took captive every thought and walked close enough with the Lord to know exactly what he was saying?
What would happen if you forgot yourself, your desires, your love for anything but Christ and lived for that alone?
I leave the answer to you.
Remember I am always here for commentary on these blogs, or if you need someone to talk to, realize that as a reader of these thoughts you know me more intimately than many people who see me everyday. I guess that makes us good friends, I’d love to hear what you think of these, or what you want to hear a blog about.
Psalm 86:11
-Israel
Monday, October 22, 2007
The Great Romance, Choices and An Open Book in a Foreign Language
I could try to describe to you the feelings of my heart, yet it would fall magnificently short of my goal of making my soul an open book. Of course, our souls were not designed to be open books with anyone but our creator. That is part of the great romance. To you, I'm just an open book in a foreign language.
I’m really starting to despise romance, not the great romance, but the elementary concept of it that people (children in a grown up shell) perceive as “romance.” Romance is a much deeper concept than our feeble pursuits can do justice to. To romance is a choice; we often make that choice without fully understanding the consequences and implications.
If I were to give my heart to someone then decide that was a mistake I can never go back on that. When you give your heart to someone the only way to get back what you’ve given is to tear it off.
You get a scar that will never go away.
You want to romance. Ok, but be ready to break your heart in two.
God is so easily mis-understood in this area, just because you are at peace around a person doesn’t mean God is saying “go out with them” you make the choice.
Not God.
Yea I said it.
You make the choice.
Choose wisely.
My dearest friend sees my problems before I do pretty much every time, I really have no methods for seeking out said imperfections. I throw my heart into everything I do; I refuse to hold back anything. If I hold back I can miss an opportunity or simply hold back what I can give. This has a key downfall. When people continue to make the same foolish mistake over and over and over again I start to get bitter. How can people be so stupid?
Blah, I wonder if Jesus asked the same question, or if he was so fully God that he always loved them, and it never crossed his mind.
It crosses my mind in some form or another every time I look in their eyes. Even when I think in love, it always crosses my mind, why don’t they just fix it?
I can handle this. There is something else that renders me weaker in the situations God puts me in.
Pride? Maybe.
The farther I go the more I realize that I have so much farther to go.
I’m tired.
I have much to do.
I love every minute of it.
I feel I should explain the “Great Romance.”
Some of you already understand just by the reference I have made, but it is a very deep subject so it makes me feel better to write it out, so I myself understand it as much as you.
The romance is the relationship between God and us. It is the relationship that makes the universe turn. That gives us joy and purpose and makes us love in a way we never could under our own greatest desire.
How does he love?
He chooses
He pursues
He rescues
He woos
He protects
He lavishes
Those of you that have read the circle trilogy by Ted Dekker know what I am talking about now, no, I am not copying him, he just gave me an easier way to explain something bigger than the words I could write for you here.
He pursues, do you understand what this means to us? This is the basis of a Christian life. The God who created the universe, who counts the stars and knows them all by name, who hangs the earth on nothing, who knows the number of hairs on your head, he desires a relationship with you! Even as I sit here in physical science class God desires a relationship with me, and that romance continues.
I feel I should edit this a little for guys, because if you’re a guy and you are not gay then this doesn’t make as much sense to you.
God created you, so he loves you.
Because he loves you he wants to know you
He already knows you because he made you
But isn’t a relationship better if it works both ways?
So right now what we have is just a really intimate manly relationship. So why call it romance? Romance is defined as treating someone differently then others because of your relationship. Well that makes sense.
So because God knows you uniquely he desires an equally unique relationship with you.
An equally unique relationship with the one who created you, with the one whom the thunder and lightning are but an illustration of a fraction of his glory, a romance in the greatest sense of the word.
Cool.
In a good romantic relationship both people are more concerned about the other than themselves. It’s the same way with God. He is concerned with every minute aspect of your life.
He protects and he lavishes, because he loves you, and when you love someone you love to lavish them, to protect them, when your heart is tied to someone completely you would give anything for them.
Anything.
Like your only son
I’m not talking about an ordinary romance, God loves YOU so much that he gave his only son. Yet we still live for ourselves like it’s about us. It’s not! That’s not how a romance works! It is about him! It is about worship and what God has in mind.
Jesus said, “if you love me you will obey my commandments.”
There are no ifs ands or buts there.
If you love him you will obey his commandments.
Period.
He loves you.
Do you love him?
I’m really starting to despise romance, not the great romance, but the elementary concept of it that people (children in a grown up shell) perceive as “romance.” Romance is a much deeper concept than our feeble pursuits can do justice to. To romance is a choice; we often make that choice without fully understanding the consequences and implications.
If I were to give my heart to someone then decide that was a mistake I can never go back on that. When you give your heart to someone the only way to get back what you’ve given is to tear it off.
You get a scar that will never go away.
You want to romance. Ok, but be ready to break your heart in two.
God is so easily mis-understood in this area, just because you are at peace around a person doesn’t mean God is saying “go out with them” you make the choice.
Not God.
Yea I said it.
You make the choice.
Choose wisely.
My dearest friend sees my problems before I do pretty much every time, I really have no methods for seeking out said imperfections. I throw my heart into everything I do; I refuse to hold back anything. If I hold back I can miss an opportunity or simply hold back what I can give. This has a key downfall. When people continue to make the same foolish mistake over and over and over again I start to get bitter. How can people be so stupid?
Blah, I wonder if Jesus asked the same question, or if he was so fully God that he always loved them, and it never crossed his mind.
It crosses my mind in some form or another every time I look in their eyes. Even when I think in love, it always crosses my mind, why don’t they just fix it?
I can handle this. There is something else that renders me weaker in the situations God puts me in.
Pride? Maybe.
The farther I go the more I realize that I have so much farther to go.
I’m tired.
I have much to do.
I love every minute of it.
I feel I should explain the “Great Romance.”
Some of you already understand just by the reference I have made, but it is a very deep subject so it makes me feel better to write it out, so I myself understand it as much as you.
The romance is the relationship between God and us. It is the relationship that makes the universe turn. That gives us joy and purpose and makes us love in a way we never could under our own greatest desire.
How does he love?
He chooses
He pursues
He rescues
He woos
He protects
He lavishes
Those of you that have read the circle trilogy by Ted Dekker know what I am talking about now, no, I am not copying him, he just gave me an easier way to explain something bigger than the words I could write for you here.
He pursues, do you understand what this means to us? This is the basis of a Christian life. The God who created the universe, who counts the stars and knows them all by name, who hangs the earth on nothing, who knows the number of hairs on your head, he desires a relationship with you! Even as I sit here in physical science class God desires a relationship with me, and that romance continues.
I feel I should edit this a little for guys, because if you’re a guy and you are not gay then this doesn’t make as much sense to you.
God created you, so he loves you.
Because he loves you he wants to know you
He already knows you because he made you
But isn’t a relationship better if it works both ways?
So right now what we have is just a really intimate manly relationship. So why call it romance? Romance is defined as treating someone differently then others because of your relationship. Well that makes sense.
So because God knows you uniquely he desires an equally unique relationship with you.
An equally unique relationship with the one who created you, with the one whom the thunder and lightning are but an illustration of a fraction of his glory, a romance in the greatest sense of the word.
Cool.
In a good romantic relationship both people are more concerned about the other than themselves. It’s the same way with God. He is concerned with every minute aspect of your life.
He protects and he lavishes, because he loves you, and when you love someone you love to lavish them, to protect them, when your heart is tied to someone completely you would give anything for them.
Anything.
Like your only son
I’m not talking about an ordinary romance, God loves YOU so much that he gave his only son. Yet we still live for ourselves like it’s about us. It’s not! That’s not how a romance works! It is about him! It is about worship and what God has in mind.
Jesus said, “if you love me you will obey my commandments.”
There are no ifs ands or buts there.
If you love him you will obey his commandments.
Period.
He loves you.
Do you love him?
Monday, August 13, 2007
College, William Wallace, and A Whole New World!
I just worked a Pocahantas Song into a blog. Wow....
College starts in 3 weeks.
To quote Scott Bakula
"Oh boy."
It's not that I'm scared. Or particularly nervous. I'm more... cautious.
Which I guess makes me an odd combination of scared, nervous, bold, confused, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, brave, stupid, wise, courageous and hungry.
(I'm thinkin' Arby's)
Ok, ok, but seriously.
A new chapter of life begins on August the eleventh.
This is a thought that intrigues like no other.
That little voice in your head that giggles and says "freedom!" In a way only vaguely reminiscent of William Wallace.
The yearning for freedom is something embedded in your DNA from day one. A yearning some control better than others. (You ever see those kids with a leash? I understand them completely.)
I've been writing this blog for two weeks, I can never get it how I want it, to portray what's on my heart in words. But of course, that is the problem of every blog.
It's nearly midnight friday night, I'm getting up soon to move. I couldn't sleep if I wanted to.
The way we face this new step will effect the rest of our lives.
Boldly.
Hesitantly.
Regretfully.
How do you define yourself?
How do you want to begin?
I'm walking boldly, no hesitation, no regret.
I could easily slip into that, just like anyone could.
But, greater is he who is in me than he who in the world.
Forgive the christianese but I love the poetry in the verse.
I wrote a goodbye note to my best and closest friend today, it started as this blog as I organized the thought, but there were so many inside jokes and stuff it doesn't make for a public thing.
Anyway, I closed the letter with this statement:
I am not perfect.
But I will stand.
I will stand as the man that I am becoming, not as who I am.
I will stand not without fear, but with courage to accomplish anything.
I will stand.
-So I get a new start. I will screw up, many people will not see me as who I am, and it will take so long to get friends at the level of what I have had.
Bring it on.
Move in Day.
I got on campus about 8 A.M, my roommate Brantley wasn't going to be here for nearly an hour so I got a few helpers (Ram Rush people, a couple of which I knew, now I know most of them.) :-)
They liked my flat screen tv and my rootbeer keg. Thanks to those things I was known around campus by lunchtime. A notable reputation? I don't think so, I'm just the rich kid and not the one who worked for his stuff. And I'm not here just for the party, I'm here for school. And Jesus. I admit... mostly Jesus. If Jesus says skip class I will. hehe
The barbecue on the lawn was fun, met my "Ram Fam" Which is about 15 other freshmen and we get to know each other in closer environment where it's easier to make friends. I've made friends with almost the entire cross country thanks to one guy in my Ram Fam. So I figure it is a pretty good system. :-)
Day 2 (Sunday)
First thing this morning is Rush Hour, which you spend with your Ram Fam.
It sounds like they brainwashed me.
Ram Rush
Ram Fam
Rush Hour (I still think of Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker)
I practically have a new vocabulary, but this is college... so cool. I think.
Worship is flippin amazazing.
Gah, the band that played was awesome.
Period.
Exclamation Point.
Yup. Then the Direct of Campus Ministries Neal Ledbetter and the Director of Campus fun stuff (there's a more official title)
Anyway his name is Buff, and they had a conversing kind of message from Psalm 139.
It was awesome.
That is all.
I just hung out all afternoon and made more friends and stuff.
Then last night the drive-in movie.
More new friends.
You get the idea.
My facebook has lit up like a Christmas tree. lol
So College is definitely a fantastic new experience.
New opportunities.
New friends.
It's amazing.
It's not perfect, frankly (who made up that word anyway)
it's going to be difficult, no one really knows me yet.
Anonymity is fun in it's own way. But I miss sitting across from a friend who will start smiling because they can see a joke cross my mind. I don't even need to say it.
Well, if you'll excuse me. Leave me comments, if you have questions, I'll answer them.
I have much to do. :-)
Go in peace.
-Jason
College starts in 3 weeks.
To quote Scott Bakula
"Oh boy."
It's not that I'm scared. Or particularly nervous. I'm more... cautious.
Which I guess makes me an odd combination of scared, nervous, bold, confused, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, brave, stupid, wise, courageous and hungry.
(I'm thinkin' Arby's)
Ok, ok, but seriously.
A new chapter of life begins on August the eleventh.
This is a thought that intrigues like no other.
That little voice in your head that giggles and says "freedom!" In a way only vaguely reminiscent of William Wallace.
The yearning for freedom is something embedded in your DNA from day one. A yearning some control better than others. (You ever see those kids with a leash? I understand them completely.)
I've been writing this blog for two weeks, I can never get it how I want it, to portray what's on my heart in words. But of course, that is the problem of every blog.
It's nearly midnight friday night, I'm getting up soon to move. I couldn't sleep if I wanted to.
The way we face this new step will effect the rest of our lives.
Boldly.
Hesitantly.
Regretfully.
How do you define yourself?
How do you want to begin?
I'm walking boldly, no hesitation, no regret.
I could easily slip into that, just like anyone could.
But, greater is he who is in me than he who in the world.
Forgive the christianese but I love the poetry in the verse.
I wrote a goodbye note to my best and closest friend today, it started as this blog as I organized the thought, but there were so many inside jokes and stuff it doesn't make for a public thing.
Anyway, I closed the letter with this statement:
I am not perfect.
But I will stand.
I will stand as the man that I am becoming, not as who I am.
I will stand not without fear, but with courage to accomplish anything.
I will stand.
-So I get a new start. I will screw up, many people will not see me as who I am, and it will take so long to get friends at the level of what I have had.
Bring it on.
Move in Day.
I got on campus about 8 A.M, my roommate Brantley wasn't going to be here for nearly an hour so I got a few helpers (Ram Rush people, a couple of which I knew, now I know most of them.) :-)
They liked my flat screen tv and my rootbeer keg. Thanks to those things I was known around campus by lunchtime. A notable reputation? I don't think so, I'm just the rich kid and not the one who worked for his stuff. And I'm not here just for the party, I'm here for school. And Jesus. I admit... mostly Jesus. If Jesus says skip class I will. hehe
The barbecue on the lawn was fun, met my "Ram Fam" Which is about 15 other freshmen and we get to know each other in closer environment where it's easier to make friends. I've made friends with almost the entire cross country thanks to one guy in my Ram Fam. So I figure it is a pretty good system. :-)
Day 2 (Sunday)
First thing this morning is Rush Hour, which you spend with your Ram Fam.
It sounds like they brainwashed me.
Ram Rush
Ram Fam
Rush Hour (I still think of Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker)
I practically have a new vocabulary, but this is college... so cool. I think.
Worship is flippin amazazing.
Gah, the band that played was awesome.
Period.
Exclamation Point.
Yup. Then the Direct of Campus Ministries Neal Ledbetter and the Director of Campus fun stuff (there's a more official title)
Anyway his name is Buff, and they had a conversing kind of message from Psalm 139.
It was awesome.
That is all.
I just hung out all afternoon and made more friends and stuff.
Then last night the drive-in movie.
More new friends.
You get the idea.
My facebook has lit up like a Christmas tree. lol
So College is definitely a fantastic new experience.
New opportunities.
New friends.
It's amazing.
It's not perfect, frankly (who made up that word anyway)
it's going to be difficult, no one really knows me yet.
Anonymity is fun in it's own way. But I miss sitting across from a friend who will start smiling because they can see a joke cross my mind. I don't even need to say it.
Well, if you'll excuse me. Leave me comments, if you have questions, I'll answer them.
I have much to do. :-)
Go in peace.
-Jason
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