The Journal of a Recovering Pharisee

A Voice in the Wilderness

2009-01-03T00:40:00.000-06:00

I am not a hard man.

I am not particularly scarred by any events in my past.

I am not anything special

Though I am not given to tears and show of much emotion, I find that a man is not one who hides is emotion, but one who can control it for the glory of the King.

This does not mean bitterness, depression, or brash cynicism have any place in the heart of a man, but it means he must fight through those to becomes the rock that he needs to be.

Lately, as I recover from a rather painful burnout the tears come easily. As I read Scripture something will jump out at me and I’ll find myself an emotional ball of weakness, or is it vulnerability?

Did you know there was a difference?

A man leads not with his charisma or with his stoicism, or any one particular trait.
It is his attitude.
A servant’s heart, a shepherd, who will make himself vulnerable for his flock.

He is not weak, in fact is strength in his ability to kneel in humility.

Humility tests a bigger man than any sword.

So with all this said….

I can be bitter
I can be depressed
I can be cynical

But I am not prone to surrender.

I am a saint
I am a sinner

Hallelujah, both receive equal amounts of the grace of God

I wonder how the news spread.
Of Jesus’ birth I mean. I wonder if it was a grandiose display that everyone knew about, or if it spread in whispers and rumblings. Remember beyond a couple angels and a visit by some wise men, there wasn’t a great deal of pomp and circumstance surrounding the first few years of Christ’s life.
So I believe the latter. I think (and once again my perspective) is that beyond Bethlehem the news spread in rumors and whispers. People hearing the grand tale and wanting it to be true, but afraid to proclaim what they had not seen for themselves.

So for year’s… rumors and whispers that never died, always of a King who was born, who frightened Herod enough to order the murder of all the male babies anywhere near the rumored birthplace of the “King of the Jews.”

Fear is a powerful accelerant.

And it did accelerate, but never into real open celebration, but they never died either.

It’s a big desert out there, and when you traveled you traveled from water to water, settlement to settlement, and you didn’t ask questions about what was beyond the road well traveled.

Then one day, out of the dust and the rocks, out the bleak hopelessness of the desert… comes a voice.

A voice of one calling in the desert
“Prepare the way of the Lord
make straight paths for Him.”
Isaiah 40:3

He was rugged, unshaven, lived off the land around him, relying on nothing but the God he served.

He gave the people reason not to whisper anymore

He gave the people reason to LIVE for something
He gave them something REAL
He gave them HOPE

And so they came, not by the few, but by many.

The religious leaders even showed up, and the man from the desert called them snakes.

He preached the word of God with a passion they had forgotten.

He taught that he was only the prelude of what was to come.

The whispered words

Messiah
King of the Jews
Deliverer
Yeshua

Not whispers anymore, but shouts carried by the winds across the desert, a cry that carries to us here… now.

And then He came.

He.
Who has been and is and will be.
Came.

The man from the desert who had made such an impact in so short a time, who had prophesied and declared the word of God so boldly….

Crumbled before this man.
Unfit to even wash his sandals… yet he baptized him in the Jordan as he had so many others.

Only this man received blessings not from the crowd but from the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
God himself was there.

Jesus began his ministry, and he called John the Baptist the greatest among men.
(Matthew 3)

Yet John would be beheaded years later. (Matthew 14)

That life did not work out the way our comfort gospel says it should.

John called the religious leaders snakes… and unless we are willing to live a life that ends as Johns did, then are we any different?
Are we capable of putting aside our scars, our bitterness, and our cynicism for the sake of living a life that is HOLY and preaches something other than complacency?

If our lives look like everyone else then we have failed.
If our lives are different, but for the sake of religion and not Christ, then we are snakes.
As a voice that cries out in the wilderness it can be lost in the wind.
Do not stop, do not quieten yourselves, because if we are quiet, then we are complacent, and have lost our first love.

We all have lost that love at sometime or another... so we must cry out to him, the one who was and is and is to come. For he is our Messiah, our King, our Deliverer.

Yeshua

Grace and Peace

Worship, The Church, and a Little Sincerity

2008-06-03T15:33:00.003-06:00

hey everybody, I'm going to post a podcast edition of this very soon so if you don't want to read you can wait for that. I'll post and link you, and advertise it on facebook so you should be able to find it pretty easily. Anyway... now to what God's dealing with me today....

Worship is something that I will never fully understand.
The more I come to understand it, the more I understand that I’m only scratching the surface and there is always more to strive for.

This morning I got to see The Parachute Band live here at Integrity. We are their recording label so they come and just led a worship service. It was awesome, and I found myself surprisingly moved by it and as the speaker came up and gave a message on worship I was only half listening as I tried to figure out exactly why this short service had changed my heart so much.

I realized how long it has been since I have been able to openly, passionately worship. Since True Spin ended before school let out I haven’t been able to, the Church that I’ve been working at (and have resigned now) is very traditional with their hymns and southern gospel “twang” to their music. I learned the lesson early that worship is not about music, it’s not about style, it is an attitude of the heart.

So have I been foolish and not been sincerely worshiping all this time? I don’t feel bad about worshiping differently in different places, if I were to worship at this traditional church in the passionate expressive way than I would be a distraction to everyone else, and whether that is their fault or not, is it my place to be a distraction?

Or perhaps the problem is not with me, and what I had missed was a body of sincere believers crying out to God in whatever way their hearts desire.

The way I see it, the church in America (generally speaking) has traded tradition for complacency, and it was such a seamless trade that it has gone nearly un-noticed in all but the most passionate congregations.

Why does the Church population drop off drastically from 50 downward, then ever increasing down to my age and into youth, then suddenly it goes back up again in Children.

Two generations missed it. They missed the point.
They missed that church is not about practicing an empty religion and it’s not about tradition, it is about JESUS CHRIST and his LOVE FOR US.
It is about SINCERE WORSHIP and LOVING our brothers and sisters—our family in Christ!

And it’s nagging at this entire generation that we’ve missed something, that there is more to life and we MUST FIND IT.
That’s why the number of Children in Church is rising, because may not care enough to help themselves, but they love their Children and want them to find… something… more.

And now this generation, seeking as they may be… we are no different than our parents, we have the same choice… and this generation is not choosing wisely.

We need hope! We need examples! We need people who will shove their fears and inhibitions where they belong and STAND for what they believe in. Why is the Church in America complacent? Because its vast majority have decided that sitting in the pew is the only that is required of you.

I have heard so many times in my church in the last few months “the Devil is after me and he makes it hard.”

Don’t you dare blame anyone but yourself.

The Devil is not some supernatural figure whose sole purpose is to have you catch every red light and make your boss have a bad day. His purpose is to keep you out of the will of God, and if he succeeds, well it’s you that screwed up, because that “mean old Devil” has no authority over you.

So Church, it is high time that you quit shoving off your responsibilities on others and you stood up for yourself and your life MEAN SOMETHING.

The reason I am so blunt and harsh about this is because I have personally seen a church that could have been a magnificent outreach in the community, to display love and the hope found in Christ. But instead they are blinded by tradition, and the complacency that followed.

Why is the Church in America collapsing? It is because they are complacent and comfortable and they are outside the will of God.
Why am I leaving the Church I have been at for 7 months? It is because they are complacent and comfortable and they are outside the will of God.

This is not supposed to be comfortable, and Church is not supposed to make you happy. It is supposed to bring you to God… and HE will make you whatever he wants you to be.

We are called to worship in spirit and in truth, which means we will worship in sincerity, and we will always be open to whatever God calls us to do. Like love other members of our church. To take off the mask of “I’m doing good” to “I feel like my life is falling apart.” When we wear that mask in front of the family of Christ we rob our selves, our church and our Father God of our sincere worship.

Every single one of us is a part of the Church, and we all can make a difference.
The choice is yours

1 Timothy 4:12
John 13:15
-Israel

Men of God, Feet Washing, and Emotional Train Wrecks

2008-03-25T22:41:00.001-06:00

This was originally a comment on Willie Macs note, but as I wrote the comment I decided it needed to be a whole blog.
Disclaimer: This is written specifically for guys, so ladies if some things don’t click, I’m sorry.

I can count on my hands the number of men that I really respect on this campus. There are over 700 people within 200 yards of me, and I can’t think of ten Godly men. That puts up red flags all over the place and honestly, it makes me mad.
God is screaming at so many men to stand up and be the righteous MEN OF GOD that they are called to be. But until you step up you’re still a boy. I don't care what John Eldredge says.
To be a man is not wondering around in the woods, not satisfying your emotional urges with breaking things or using a woman to make yourself feel better--in whatever way that may be.
There are two things that can undo a man before anything else: pride and a woman. Those two things will never fail to bring you down, just look at David in 2nd Samuel.

The Devil always uses the same method, and he often fools us into the lie that he attacks in many different ways but really it all boils down to one thing. He will always use your emotions against you; he will never attack your heart, soul, mind or strength without attacking your emotions.

The Devils goal for our lives, specifically for the campus of UM is to get a bunch of emotional train wrecks that are useless to the Kingdom of God. I propose to you that he has succeeded. That all these men who are called to be leaders are sitting around moping about their problems as God is shouting to his soldiers to STAND UP and FIGHT.
He has promised you deliverance, and indeed it is already given to you, but instead you are content to sit in a pool of your own self-pity and let the Kingdom pass you by.

So many of you are “called” to be pastors, preachers, missionaries and worship leaders; Church planters and counselors. You all have the opportunity to practice that here, but you just sit and wait on God to open doors. Brothers, the DOORS ARE OPEN and no one is stepping up. So I beg you in the Spirit of the Living God, step up and be a man, take your place in the grand masterpiece of Gods work and watch what he does through you all over everything you touch.

Back to where we started. Campus Ministries is looking for a few good men and you’re one of them, if you step up. You are here, so you are called to this school, therefore you are called to play a part in Gods work here. Campus Ministries is by no means representative of Gods work, but it is a major way to get involved and find a place where you can serve. If you aren’t serving, then you’re out of the will of God.
That doesn’t necessarily mean Campus Ministries specifically, but what I’m trying to say is simple. Stand up, be a man, and wash somebody’s feet.

Please don’t think I’m just bashing for the heck of it, because I’m really preaching to myself here. I just want the brothers here at UM to be unified for something, because there are so many men that could be such rocks of faith, but they are just a kick in the pants shy of pressing onward. I’m not here to give you that kick in the pants, that’s the Holy Spirits job, I just wanted to pass on what is on my heart about the men on this campus. I am here for each and every one of you, I am praying for you generally, but I would be happy to pray for you specifically, I welcome anything you have to say about my blog and I would love to hear what God is doing in and around you.
Grace and Peace to you
1 John 2:13-14
-Israel

Passion, Worship, and the Thirsty Deer

2008-03-12T20:26:00.001-06:00

God I miss you.

These words roll off in prayer before I think them, then I stop for a moment as I realize what I just said. How can I miss God when he is always with me? But from the overflow of the heart I seem to have spoken a phrase beyond my own understanding, so I write.
Though God is always with me I do not always feel his presence, as all Christians know, whether we like it or not, we do not always as if God is there at all. This is usually a fault of our own but occasionally it is simply a test from God himself to take us beyond where we thought we could go.

I feel the presence of God with me now to an extent, he is the only reason I can maintain the pace that I do and not burn out.
What I miss is the overflow of joy that comes from not only his presence but his love constantly pouring out in my life that does not allow me to get comfortable, the outpouring of love that not only makes me joyful but passionate. Not just passionate in the things that matter most, but passionate with every thing that I do, because he called me to this place, and every word I speak and every move I make should be for the glory of him, within his perfect will and plan.

That passion is what I miss. The passion that only comes from God,
The passion that makes me want to SHOUT and DANCE and SING.

Call me foolish, that I should be content with the style of worship in quiet reverence and stillness that is an attitude of the heart and is not reflected externally.

I cannot hold in what is within my heart without it showing externally, I cannot keep myself still, to be reverent is not only the attitude of the heart but for me to worship in spirit and truth I CANNOT KEEP SILENT.

As I seek God I see glimpses of what he is doing, whether directly in my life or in the world around me I see it. It brings me joy; it makes me hunger for more. To live in an attitude of worship, of constant prayer is my greatest desire, and as I see God work it makes me want to pursue more and more.

This pursuit is directly reflected in actions, once again the overflow of the heart…. Therefore it is most directly reflected in my worship, as my life should be an act of worship, but it isn’t always (workin on it) so we’ll just talk about the specific worship in Church or a Campus Bible Study.

(Disclaimer: I must thank Dr. Younce for this paragraph, because after I wrote this in Christian Studies building lobby he speaks on this in class, so this stuff is from my notes.)
God desires us to worship him; he seeks us to worship him. Worship draws you closer to God, and as you draw closer to God you begin to look more like him, therefore being reflected in your life from the meditations of your heart to where you decide to eat lunch to how you respond to hardship. It is all changed because of worship.

So as I worship I find myself drawing closer to God and him in turn to me. This means my heart, my soul, is more like his, and thus I have joy, I have peace, I have a PASSION for LIFE that is BEYOND understanding, I have passion to spread his love, just as Isaiah 26:8 says: “LORD we show our trust in you by obeying your laws, our hearts desire is to glorify your name.”

Hearts desire. When he has our hearts within his love our will looks like his, I know I’m repeating myself a lot but this affects so much of our lives I could write forever and never reach the end of how much worship means to us every moment. I’ll just leave the interpretation of this to you and the Holy Spirit and stop saying the same thing over and over….

Perhaps we should all be missing God, and we should all be so hungry for his love and for the fulfilled life he brings that it is not only a desire for more but it is a palpable emotion of actually missing our Father.

But then again maybe I’m wrong. Seek God and decide for yourself. ☺

Psalm 42:1
-Israel

Choices, Changes, and the madness of the Apostle Paul

2008-01-22T15:48:00.000-06:00

The things I want to do I do not do, and what I do not want to do I do.

These words of Paul from Romans 7:15 are my heart at this moment. In this I feel what he felt, that I desire to be closer to God, but I am continuously propelled backward by my sin nature. It is maddeningly frustrating, but I understand the madness of the Apostle Paul. Indeed, I find myself feeling the same way.

I made the decision before this semester started that things were going to be different. I was going to call God out on his promises. What I mean by this is that he has promised to take me as far spiritually, mentally, and emotionally as I will let them him take me in maturity. I want to be that Man of God.
And I will not play games anymore.

This is bigger than me, than my conceited desires of this world that seek for ownership of my soul, and will take every piece that I let them take.
But only as much as I let them

The Christian life is a choice.
You choose to accept Salvation, and once you have you are no longer a sinner. You are a Saint who sins, but only as much as you choose to.

The reason all sin is the same in Gods’ eyes is because all sin is compromise, it is all us making the choice that “this isn’t so bad….”

Through all your individual stipulations and specific situations and whatever excuses you use to make yourself more comfortable with sin the fact remains that it is a choice.

I’m not trying to just preach fire and brimstone and condemnation or anything like that. I’m just sharing my heart, because I am just as guilty as you are. To quote Paul again as he parallels my own life, “I am the chief of sinners.”

Indeed I am, even as I make the choice to change my life to pursue God more completely I am still a sinner.
But I digress… I am a Saint who sins.
And once you have made the choice to accept salvation, so are you.

So I urge you, through our brokenness, to help each other pursue God more completely than we ever have before.

Though I myself have compromised, though I have discovered the madness and the frustration of “the things I want to do I do not do, and what I do not want to do I do.”

I am still loved by God, and through my shortcomings there is his grace, and through my faults I am yet loved more than I can ever understand.

A life in full pursuit of God cannot be lived alone, you have to have brothers and sisters sharpening you, keeping you accountable, and growing with you.
So I ask for your help, join me in this pursuit of God, and do not accept compromise, for the sake of us both. Pursue him passionately, with nothing held back, and see what he does in return.

John 17:12
-Israel

Death, Love, and the God Who Weeps for His People

2007-12-19T14:34:00.000-06:00

Jesus Wept.
The shortest verse in the Bible, but I’m only beginning to understand the breadth of it.

It was after the death of his friend Lazarus; he waited to return to help him until the man had been dead for four days. When he arrived Mary was crying, everyone was distraught, everyone was mad at Jesus, because they knew he could have helped. Jesus asked to see the body, then breaks down.
The Savior of the universe, Son of GOD, breaks down and cries.
Why?
He was about to heal Lazarus, why would he cry, why not laugh, berate them for their doubt, and then call the man up out of his grave. It would have been a big glorious show of the power of God, but Jesus contrasted with all those possibilities by breaking down into tears. I’m so hung up on this… why?
Oh the… humanity?

The humanity of Jesus is something that is most widely discussed in something like the DaVinci Code where he is portrayed as impregnating Mary etc. etc. excuse me while I puke.

Jesus was fully man and fully God. Ok, that makes no sense so don’t preach to me that crap without explaining what it means. (Can you tell I’m in Church all the time?)

Jesus was human, like you and I. He had the same weaknesses, the same mind, and the same heart, just like us. He was tempted, he was hurt, he laughed, he cried, he bled, he got hungry and he even had to pee. He had to control his thoughts and emotions just like we are… supposed to. What made Jesus capable of that?
He had the same promise we do, he was just more aware of it, because he was the Son of God.
He was the embodiment of the conscience that drives you and I toward the truth.
He was (is) a man, but he was the walking example of how scripture was supposed to be lived.
That’s why Jesus is so amazing; he was just like us, but without the willingness to compromise that messes us up every time.

And so he wept, he could carry the weight of his calling anymore without cracking just a little. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for him to stay away those extra days. It must have torn him apart, then he gets there to see Mary so broken, his friend gone, his alleged friends berating him for not doing what he “should have done.” He couldn’t carry that burden, that… cross… anymore.

This changes my entire perspective on the man Jesus; he isn’t just the example of perfection that I’ll never reach. He was a broken man who went by each day giving his best with a determination unrivaled, because he loved those broken souls around him that much.
All for love.

He wept because he loved his people so much that their despair broke him, even though he could fix it, he knew the cost.

Even then, he knew the cost.

This blog is so incomplete that I did not want to post it, but here are my thoughts so far. :-)
Psalm 27:8
-Israel

Contradictions, The Soul, and Reason Versus Emotion

2007-12-06T17:04:00.001-06:00

Lately God has laid on my heart my non-existent understanding of the human psyche in relation to making decision based on emotions or reason. To simplify this, to make a decision based on reason is done with the mind through logic and reason by fact; even if you’re going on faith you can make a decision by reason. But then again, faith is partially an emotion. And there’s the conundrum, you cannot make a decision solely by reason, but if you make a decision solely by emotion you will be lead astray. “The heart is deceitful above all things,” says the prophet Jeremiah. So there must be a median ground that we can all rely on to make decision that will hold up to the mind’s God has given us while still not ignoring the emotions that God has given us as well. I understanding that understanding will come with age and wisdom but I am a logical person so it helps to write it out.
I am also a very passionate person; do you see my world of contradictions?

That’s really as far as I’ve gotten in my understanding of this, I find myself contradicting myself at every turn and I feel… I feel, so am I writing this blog with emotion or with reason or with a strange combination of both that I cannot identify nor understand?
Can you tell I’m enjoying this? ☺
The way I see it, a persons soul is their most valuable possession. You can understand why, our bodies and our things pass away, but our soul is us forever. I believe the heart is the greatest part of the soul. The soul is composed of our passions, the things that mean the most to us. Wouldn’t you agree that a person is not passionate is… empty?

You cannot make a decision solely on reason; you have to use an emotion to block out your other emotions. You are designed to use both.
Jesus prayed in the garden for God not to make him die on the cross, that was emotion.
But he also prayed “not my will but yours” that was reason. Emotion played it’s part in both, but if reason had not played a part then Jesus would not have done it, because he was as much a human as you or I.
He knocked over tables. That was emotion, but it was done with the intention to make a point and it did not cross a line.

Emotion caused the fall of humanity. The woman let her heart control her and the man just stood there with no control at all. That sounds familiar doesn’t it?

So as you can see Biblically that both play a part, and the test I will use on myself is very simple and I’m disappointed in myself that I did not get to this point earlier.

If you are making a decision that feels like emotion and you are not sure your mind is getting through, ask yourself if this decision glorifies God.
Will it bring you closer to him?
Will it bring others closer to him?

Guard your heart; be aware of the thoughts of your mind and the meditations of your heart.
God gave you both for a reason, use both of them, be aware of where God is calling you to be and you will not make the mistake of Adam and Eve.
Psalm 19:11
Psalm 86:11
-Jason

P.S Thanks to Daniel Chandler for helping me write this blog. He's the man. And he needs a girlfriend.

Sleep, a little warfare and what God wants for Christmas...

2007-11-15T12:02:00.000-06:00

I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
But seriously, give me five more minutes.

After two hours of sleep for the second day in a row I was seriously considering re-considering my sleep when I’m dead philosophy. I spent the weekend doing mission work in New Orleans and I don’t have anything to say in this blog, but my heart is heavy for what I’ve seen this weekend; so I write.

I first noticed the spiritual warfare during the drive down on Friday. I started praying not only for myself but also for the entire one hundred and thirty-four of us headed into the valley of darkness. (I’m allowed a little creative explanation aren’t I?)

Spiritual warfare is an interesting thing. It is a battle that I look forward to fighting when I am prepared (suited up in the armor of God as described in Ephesians 6.) The battle means that I am making a difference, so it’s a comfort. When I’m not prepared I get ripped to shreds.
I was getting used to living in the bubble of the University of Mobile, my home for the next 3 years is for lack of a better term “anointed real estate.” This is an institution founded on the principles of Christianity and I believe that God blesses it as such, spiritual warfare is a piece of cake on this campus compared to a city so overcome by powers beyond what we see.
There is a war going on, and a place like New Orleans is an intense place to be.

God did not use me on the trip as much as I hoped he would, I am unafraid to go talk to people, I don’t care if they have a gun, they need the message just as much as any other sinner like those of us who were going to help. So… I had hoped God would use me to do such a thing as that and see someone radically saved through me et cetera et cetera….

I missed the point, and God used me, but I did (and still) do not understand why he would hold me back from talking to certain people or saying certain things that I know would make a difference.
His plan is bigger… and I work for him.

I was talking to a friend the first night and a thought came to me as we discussed the group of students on this mission.
“What would happen if we had 134 students with an Isaiah 26:8 passionate desire for the glory of Christ on earth?
What would happen if these few walked in to the French quarter with boldness and talked to every single person they met on the street without fear, and with such boldness that people could not help but notice. There is something different….
What would happen if we forgot about ourselves and walked in union with the Holy Spirit and could take captive our thoughts to the detail of saying exactly what God told us to do?”

We did not try to answer.

And now I apply this to you.

What would happen if you took captive every thought and walked close enough with the Lord to know exactly what he was saying?
What would happen if you forgot yourself, your desires, your love for anything but Christ and lived for that alone?

I leave the answer to you.

Remember I am always here for commentary on these blogs, or if you need someone to talk to, realize that as a reader of these thoughts you know me more intimately than many people who see me everyday. I guess that makes us good friends, I’d love to hear what you think of these, or what you want to hear a blog about.

Psalm 86:11

-Israel

The Great Romance, Choices and An Open Book in a Foreign Language

2007-10-22T16:38:00.000-06:00

I could try to describe to you the feelings of my heart, yet it would fall magnificently short of my goal of making my soul an open book. Of course, our souls were not designed to be open books with anyone but our creator. That is part of the great romance. To you, I'm just an open book in a foreign language.
I’m really starting to despise romance, not the great romance, but the elementary concept of it that people (children in a grown up shell) perceive as “romance.” Romance is a much deeper concept than our feeble pursuits can do justice to. To romance is a choice; we often make that choice without fully understanding the consequences and implications.

If I were to give my heart to someone then decide that was a mistake I can never go back on that. When you give your heart to someone the only way to get back what you’ve given is to tear it off.
You get a scar that will never go away.
You want to romance. Ok, but be ready to break your heart in two.
God is so easily mis-understood in this area, just because you are at peace around a person doesn’t mean God is saying “go out with them” you make the choice.
Not God.
Yea I said it.
You make the choice.
Choose wisely.

My dearest friend sees my problems before I do pretty much every time, I really have no methods for seeking out said imperfections. I throw my heart into everything I do; I refuse to hold back anything. If I hold back I can miss an opportunity or simply hold back what I can give. This has a key downfall. When people continue to make the same foolish mistake over and over and over again I start to get bitter. How can people be so stupid?
Blah, I wonder if Jesus asked the same question, or if he was so fully God that he always loved them, and it never crossed his mind.

It crosses my mind in some form or another every time I look in their eyes. Even when I think in love, it always crosses my mind, why don’t they just fix it?

I can handle this. There is something else that renders me weaker in the situations God puts me in.
Pride? Maybe.
The farther I go the more I realize that I have so much farther to go.
I’m tired.
I have much to do.
I love every minute of it.

I feel I should explain the “Great Romance.”
Some of you already understand just by the reference I have made, but it is a very deep subject so it makes me feel better to write it out, so I myself understand it as much as you.
The romance is the relationship between God and us. It is the relationship that makes the universe turn. That gives us joy and purpose and makes us love in a way we never could under our own greatest desire.
How does he love?
He chooses
He pursues
He rescues
He woos
He protects
He lavishes

Those of you that have read the circle trilogy by Ted Dekker know what I am talking about now, no, I am not copying him, he just gave me an easier way to explain something bigger than the words I could write for you here.
He pursues, do you understand what this means to us? This is the basis of a Christian life. The God who created the universe, who counts the stars and knows them all by name, who hangs the earth on nothing, who knows the number of hairs on your head, he desires a relationship with you! Even as I sit here in physical science class God desires a relationship with me, and that romance continues.

I feel I should edit this a little for guys, because if you’re a guy and you are not gay then this doesn’t make as much sense to you.
God created you, so he loves you.
Because he loves you he wants to know you
He already knows you because he made you
But isn’t a relationship better if it works both ways?

So right now what we have is just a really intimate manly relationship. So why call it romance? Romance is defined as treating someone differently then others because of your relationship. Well that makes sense.
So because God knows you uniquely he desires an equally unique relationship with you.
An equally unique relationship with the one who created you, with the one whom the thunder and lightning are but an illustration of a fraction of his glory, a romance in the greatest sense of the word.
Cool.

In a good romantic relationship both people are more concerned about the other than themselves. It’s the same way with God. He is concerned with every minute aspect of your life.
He protects and he lavishes, because he loves you, and when you love someone you love to lavish them, to protect them, when your heart is tied to someone completely you would give anything for them.
Anything.
Like your only son
I’m not talking about an ordinary romance, God loves YOU so much that he gave his only son. Yet we still live for ourselves like it’s about us. It’s not! That’s not how a romance works! It is about him! It is about worship and what God has in mind.
Jesus said, “if you love me you will obey my commandments.”
There are no ifs ands or buts there.
If you love him you will obey his commandments.
Period.
He loves you.
Do you love him?

College, William Wallace, and A Whole New World!

2007-08-13T08:46:00.000-06:00

I just worked a Pocahantas Song into a blog. Wow....
College starts in 3 weeks.

To quote Scott Bakula

"Oh boy."

It's not that I'm scared. Or particularly nervous. I'm more... cautious.
Which I guess makes me an odd combination of scared, nervous, bold, confused, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, brave, stupid, wise, courageous and hungry.

(I'm thinkin' Arby's)

Ok, ok, but seriously.
A new chapter of life begins on August the eleventh.

This is a thought that intrigues like no other.
That little voice in your head that giggles and says "freedom!" In a way only vaguely reminiscent of William Wallace.

The yearning for freedom is something embedded in your DNA from day one. A yearning some control better than others. (You ever see those kids with a leash? I understand them completely.)

I've been writing this blog for two weeks, I can never get it how I want it, to portray what's on my heart in words. But of course, that is the problem of every blog.

It's nearly midnight friday night, I'm getting up soon to move. I couldn't sleep if I wanted to.

The way we face this new step will effect the rest of our lives.
Boldly.
Hesitantly.
Regretfully.
How do you define yourself?
How do you want to begin?

I'm walking boldly, no hesitation, no regret.
I could easily slip into that, just like anyone could.
But, greater is he who is in me than he who in the world.
Forgive the christianese but I love the poetry in the verse.

I wrote a goodbye note to my best and closest friend today, it started as this blog as I organized the thought, but there were so many inside jokes and stuff it doesn't make for a public thing.
Anyway, I closed the letter with this statement:

I am not perfect.
But I will stand.
I will stand as the man that I am becoming, not as who I am.
I will stand not without fear, but with courage to accomplish anything.
I will stand.

-So I get a new start. I will screw up, many people will not see me as who I am, and it will take so long to get friends at the level of what I have had.
Bring it on.

Move in Day.
I got on campus about 8 A.M, my roommate Brantley wasn't going to be here for nearly an hour so I got a few helpers (Ram Rush people, a couple of which I knew, now I know most of them.) :-)
They liked my flat screen tv and my rootbeer keg. Thanks to those things I was known around campus by lunchtime. A notable reputation? I don't think so, I'm just the rich kid and not the one who worked for his stuff. And I'm not here just for the party, I'm here for school. And Jesus. I admit... mostly Jesus. If Jesus says skip class I will. hehe

The barbecue on the lawn was fun, met my "Ram Fam" Which is about 15 other freshmen and we get to know each other in closer environment where it's easier to make friends. I've made friends with almost the entire cross country thanks to one guy in my Ram Fam. So I figure it is a pretty good system. :-)

Day 2 (Sunday)
First thing this morning is Rush Hour, which you spend with your Ram Fam.
It sounds like they brainwashed me.
Ram Rush
Ram Fam
Rush Hour (I still think of Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker)

I practically have a new vocabulary, but this is college... so cool. I think.

Worship is flippin amazazing.
Gah, the band that played was awesome.
Period.
Exclamation Point.

Yup. Then the Direct of Campus Ministries Neal Ledbetter and the Director of Campus fun stuff (there's a more official title)
Anyway his name is Buff, and they had a conversing kind of message from Psalm 139.
It was awesome.
That is all.

I just hung out all afternoon and made more friends and stuff.
Then last night the drive-in movie.
More new friends.
You get the idea.
My facebook has lit up like a Christmas tree. lol

So College is definitely a fantastic new experience.
New opportunities.
New friends.
It's amazing.

It's not perfect, frankly (who made up that word anyway)
it's going to be difficult, no one really knows me yet.
Anonymity is fun in it's own way. But I miss sitting across from a friend who will start smiling because they can see a joke cross my mind. I don't even need to say it.

Well, if you'll excuse me. Leave me comments, if you have questions, I'll answer them.

I have much to do. :-)

Go in peace.
-Jason

Thought, Hillsong, and the Motorcycle Squirrel Guy

2007-07-19T15:45:00.000-06:00

So another blog.
This one has no deep spiritual motive, it is more to spurn thought within myself.
It's a shame how few people encourage thought these days. There are... 3 people who have ever encouraged me to think.
God Bless them.
Oh wait, he already has.
God rock their face off.
:-)

I got back from Houston yesterday, saw Hillsong United, and to pre-emptively answer your question.
Yea. It was awesome.
Got to meet the band beforehand backstage with about 15 other people, it was pretty cool. I have alot more respect for the band now. They are so humble, they are there for worship, not for anything else.

Phil Dooley spoke. He's my new favorite Australian.
He talked about Harley Davidsons and squirrels.
In the same sentence.
Can you ask for more?
The major point of his message was the complacency of the church-he just used smaller words. Forgive my big-wordage.
(Wordage is in my computers dictionary. Sweet.)
"It seems that the Rock-stars are the ones making a difference in this world instead of the church."
Very true.
I mean, at this point we have heard all this before, but maybe that's God's way of making his point?
Seriously, we hear about it and amen and nod and wait for someone to start some new way to make a difference, we drop a couple extra bucks in a bucket to give some depressed kid a new pair of socks.

We are still missing the point.

The depressed homeless kids in Africa are just a fraction of the mission field.
The mission field starts where you are sitting, and stretches to everywhere you go, to everywhere your influence reaches.
You are called to missions.
Missions is not money in a bucket.
It is you shining your light all around you.
So your reputation precedes not as your reputation, but as one who follows Christ and thus shines his renown wherever you go.

I will get comments on this blog commenting on how good it is and how right I am but if you do that then you've still missed the point. If you post a comment, tell me what you did in your mission field. Tell me what you did to shine.

"AS you are GOING, make DISCIPLES in all nations"

Psalm 78:7
-Jason

The Trip, The Experience, and If This Were an Overdue Library Book....

2007-07-10T20:54:00.000-06:00

So... I went to Israel.

Didn't write a blog about it.
Haven't written anything in a while.
Sorry.

Sooo, here's my grasp of the trip, it's short, but this sort of trip is something that effects your soul. That cannot be put into words.
Elie Wiesel said "No one can go to Israel and leave the same way they came."

Truth.

We started in Egypt, saw the pyramids, spent a ridiculous amount of time staring at 5000 year old statues that look like stuff I can get at garage sales for a dollar. Evidently they're a big deal. Okay.
Can I shoot a mummy or something?

Next up was Petra in Jordan, there is a picture on my myspace. www.myspace.com/sirjason
It is a city carved into the rock cliffs. It's pretty cool. It's over a mile down a narrow canyon, very defensible (thus the Left Behind books saying Christians will hide out there in the end times. That is where I would be.)

I loved it, I ran around the cliffs high above the ground. Running as fast as I can-with the risk of falling including much pain, there I am very much at home. I loved it.

Then Israel.

We went to Ein gedi, where David hid from Absalom, there are pictures.
This was one of my favorite places.
It's an Oasis in the middle of the desert. There is a spring at the end of this canyon and the stream flows all the way down with waterfalls and lush greenery and all that kinda stuff.
It is beautiful.

Its a good hike to the top. The rest of my family turned back about halfway up, so I ran up the rest of the way so I could see it. I didn't bring a camera or anything. But that was fine with me.
The trail had been crowded the whole way up, but when I reached the top it was empty.
Quiet.
Peaceful.
Much like it was 3000 years ago when David wrote many of the Psalms. I sat down on a rock at the foot of the largest waterfall. Probably the rock David sat on.
Took a drink from the water.
Same water David drank.
Excuse me while I giggle.

It was a beautiful moment with just me and God in that fantastic little Oasis he created in the middle of the desert.

We drove through where Sodom and Gomorrah were. Look at the no drowning picture. The rock around that is all volcanic.
There is nothing vaguely reminiscent of volcano's for thousands of miles.
Volcanic rock covers nearly 100 miles.
God didn't just destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.
He tore up everything in between.

"Don't make me come down there."

We went on to Jerusalem.
Our Happy Home.

It's an interesting place to say the least. The old city is older than our country, and it's just neat to walk around and experience it.

It changes your perspective of the Bible when you see it for yourself. I haven't just read it.
I was there.

One of the most memorable moments was when we went across the border into Palestine. Which is only a country because they have guns and they say so.
So Israel built a wall in between the two, but it's more of a political thing, only the main roads have checkpoints, the back roads you can get in and out freely.

So we went to where Jesus was born.
There is a big church on top of every single place where something happened save one. We'll get to that place. So we go through the church, into the cave (the manger) where Jesus was born. As we wait in line to go in. (There is always a line.)
We are almost in and we hear singing.
Singing.

Away in a manger no crib for a bed....

Singing to Jesus about his birth.
Where it happened.

One lady kept trying to shush it.
Pharisee.

It was the only time I ever saw a priest smile the whole trip.
I was singing, and crying a little bit.
It was something I will never forget.

We went to all three places where they say he was buried. MY favorite is what the picture is of. It was so perfect.... And it didn't have a big church on top of it. It was how I'd imagined it, except better.

I came home a different person then how I went.
I can't put it into words. But now you've heard my favorite parts. If you want more stories just ask me.
And if you want me to write a blog about something ask, I love input.

Peace
-Jason

Sunburn, Sunsets, And The Difference Between Heaven and Hell

2007-04-30T09:02:00.000-06:00

His feet were cold.
When you drag someone out of bed to martyr them, at least give them the justice of wearing their slippers. The Roman soldiers were not so kind.
He sang as they escorted him.
Psalm 113, something he had sung for years on Good Friday.
It bothered the hell out of the Romans.
This was good, he sang louder.

He was aware and had already fully accept what was about to happen. He had never met Jesus, those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, he'd waited, he was ready.
And he was about to meet Jesus.
The Roman soldiers agreed.
He was still singing when the flames lit.
His feet weren't cold anymore.

It didn't really hurt so much. More like.... sunburn.
When he was a child he had gone to the beach, he remembered the sound of the waves, the glorious, majestic sunsets.
And the sunburn.
It was always worth it.
That sunburn, that pain reminded him of freedom.
He smiled.
The Romans were having a bad day.

He was there for nearly 6 hours.
He sang alot, enjoyed the sunburn.
Freedom.
Haha! Glorious freedom!

He was getting bored.
He looked around at the impatient Romans and smiled again.

"Turn me over I'm done on this side"

They looked around at each other, the commanding officer shrugged, and they obliged the request.

His face was down now, his vision clouded by smoke.
He saw the beach again, the sunset, God's majesty screaming across the heavens.
Somewhere his memory and reality got mixed together.
He was a little child running on the beach, the sudden smoke made him cough and stumble, he fell to the ground, unable to breath.

He looked at the sunset, felt the sunburn, inhaled a deep breath, in the back of his mind he knew it was his last. He had no regrets of his life. His vision clouded again, he couldn't breath.
Couldn't Sing.
But he didn't need to sing anymore, the Angels sang for him
He looked at the sunset, and with his last earthly thought he realized... the sun was the other way.
Glorious.
Freedom.

"Hey Jesus."

-The Martyrdom of St. Lawrence in Rome in 258 A.D, at the age of 33.

Hell is not just a place where you go when you die, it is anywhere that God is not.
But God is everywhere. But what about when people shove him out.
The internment camps in WWII.
War. (With the exception of when your army is led by God)
Just 2 examples for you...
Some people would say St. Lawrence went through Hell to get to Heaven.
No, God was always with him, with the absence of God it would have been Hell for him.
But instead, all he got was a sunburn, and a new appreciation for slippers and sunsets.

In the darkest time of your life, when you go through Hell.
Look around you
God is there.

What I have found...

Is sometimes the difference between Heaven and Hell,

is just a little sunburn.

Peace... be with you
John 20:15
-Jason

Deathbeds, Revolution, and The Final Concerto

2007-04-12T17:14:00.000-06:00

Hi.

So at this point the new name has been up for 2 hours and i've already received messages and comments with people delicately asking "What are you smoking and what can I do to help?" Or something related thereof.

I assure I am not literally dying, I'm quite well, in fact God wont let me die. lol Not that I've tried it, but I have too much left to do. And it's cool cause I think Jesus will come back before I die anyway....

So yea... my blog name. I'll get there, I promise.

In a walk with Christ we are called to die to ourselves daily. To give up everything we have. (Mt 10:37-39) What I've discovered is that it takes a while to die the first time. It takes a while to be honest without ourselves and dig things out to put them at our Saviors feet.
There comes a point where you not only say "God here I am"
But you say "God here is my heart, here are my weaknesses and my strengths, take it, make it yours, no matter how much it hurts."

You can see the change....

This is my deathbed
I lie here alone
When I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home

This is my deathbed.
The death of fear.
The death of pride
The death of jealousy
The death of complacency

You are not alone.
You are never alone. (John 16:32)

So the moral of this story is simple.
Get on your deathbed.
Quit crawling off the altar.
Stop running from your fears and face them.
This is news to some. But God loves you.
Alot.
Seriously.
Alot.
There are no words for it,
just trust me, and embrace it. :-)

Life is too short to waste time being afraid
Life is too short to waste time living for yourself.

That road is easy, but it is also empty.

But you already knew that.

So go.
Fix it.
Take whatevers dragging you down and kill it.
Take it out behind the woodshed and show it who's boss.
The rest of this blog will be here when you get back.
.
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.

All better?
Seriously. Get off the computer and go talk to yo Daddy. Not that Daddy.

Your Abba.

The straight narrow is sometimes difficult to find I know. But you have a guide.
(2 Samuel 22:29)

Ok now that we got that over with. Here's where I get all prophetic.

We (as in my target audience within my generation) are a broken generation.
At least 90% of my friends come from broken homes.
All of us have faced trials, faced the whole world tearing itself apart because it comes down to affecting each and every person in a way that breaks their hearts. But also fills them with a determination.

What happens when you get an ENTIRE GENERATION that is broken and wants nothing more than to FIX EVERYTHING that they have had to face?

REVOLUTION.

A revolution without music is a revolution not worth having.

God, the conductor, is tapping his baton on the music stand, the music has not even begun, he is just getting our attention, setting the rhythm for the Orchestra of Eternity.

The next generation will be the last, this generation is the leaders of the last gneration. Some of you who read this will not see death before you see the Son of God come across the sky.
Some of you will be great leaders.
Great teachers.
Pillars of the faith in your families and workplaces.
Some of you will be missionaries.
Some of you will be martyrs.

The Final Concerto is starting. God is moving, he is getting our attention, and soon.
The music starts.
You are in that orchestra, are you ready to play your part?

Isaiah 6
Philippians 3:14
Revelation 7:9-17

-Jason

P.S. Use your imaginations, and enjoy the V for Vendetta video. lol
Revelation 22:21

Pancake, Vulnerability, And The Men Who Wrestle with God

2007-03-20T17:32:00.000-06:00

So... this has been almost the worst week ever for me. Spiritually that is. I picked up something that I had given up, and it of course... ran me straight into a brick wall. My walk is not going anywhere. I had lots of knees and face to the ground time. Alot Alot. I read just about the whole book of Psalms too. Didn't do me any good. At least, not how I wanted it to.

I wanted that attitude gone. But that doesn't mean God just takes it away just like that. He can, sure, but that's not how it works more often than not. You have to give it up, you have to really desire it, or as God has shown me, I have to beat it on my own, then he will take the rest.

I got almost an hour of sleep tuesday night, I spent it with God, I know he spoke to me, but I didn't hear, my mind was too distracted and my heart was too hard. The next I was running on no sleep, which gives God more leeway into my heart because without sleep it's alot harder to to hold up defenses. So I start hearing God more. Did I mention the Chris Tomlin/Matt Redman/Louie Giglio thing was amazing. God talked alot then. He was there oh my gosh was he there. Louie Giglio was speaking prophecies and didn't even know it. Haha

Fast forward to thursday, I spend the whole day with God again, haven't heard him all morning. A dear friend whom I love dearly, and knows wha'ts going on with me texted me. "How are you"
I reply, "I just need a word, I need God to tell me something, even if God says pancake I'm good."
I send it and close the phone, guess what I hear from the still small voice.
"Pancake"

God just said pancake.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I love God.

God speaks when you listen.
You might not like what he says, but he does speak.

This thought has been swirling in my head all day, here is my best attempt at putting it to words:
The worlds concept of a man says to be cold, unapologetic, never to cry, never to feel or show weakness. This is a lie from hell. A real man is one who can stand up for his actions, to put his heart out to one who would break it. A real man will wrestle with God himself over what he knows is right, because the love God has given him demands no less. A real man will get down on his knees and weep simply because his heart is broken for those he loves who have not felt the greater love that changes his life every single day.

In Genesis 32 Jacob is camping out, he sends his family away so he can be by himself. That night he wrestles with God. He wrestles until daybreak, the man fighting Jacob says "let me go." Jacob's reply is fantastic, "Not until you bless me!" So God blesses him, and changes his name. "Israel, because you have fought with God and won.

I had a dream. The first dream in as long as I can remember, and that was it, except Jacob is me. I woke up with my heart beating hard and fast like I had been wrestling. I look up at the ceiling and smile and my first words of the day "I win."
And he blessed me.

Genesis 32:28
-Jason

Inebriated, Standing Ovations, and Kill the Devil!

2007-03-15T18:29:00.000-06:00

"Intoxicated" By the great and amazing David Crowder

Intoxicating You are to me
Illuminating You are to see
Truly breathtaking You are to breathe
Sending my head spinning You are, You see

And I've lost my mind, I'm sure to find
Need to apologize for my
Lack of inhibition, for my belligerent condition
But with You this near I'm dizzy

Inebriating You are to me
Completely captivating You are yo see
Sending my world spinning You are, You see

And now I find a blurry line
Here between You and I
Raise the cup, drink 'til I'm full
Sing 'til I can't, 'til my voice is gone
And my head is spinning

CHORUS:
La, la dee da
La dee da, dee da
Dee da da da
Hey la, la dee da
La dee da, dee da
Dee da da da

Illuminating You are to see
Truly breathtaking You are to breathe
Sending my head spinning You are, You see

And now I find a blurry line
Here between you and I
Raise the cup, drink 'til I'm full
Sing 'til I can't, 'til my voice is gone
And my head is spinning dizzy

If I'm out of my mind it's You, You
'Cause I'm crazy in love with You, You
Inebriated by You, You
'Cause I'm head over heels with You, You

I love that song.
It so describes where I am. My Savior--My Father brings me such joy.
It is overwhelming, head over heels, makes me crazy.
I love it. I love him. haha
He is my joy.
Whenever you wonder why Im crazy, it is because God made me that way, and the joy that he gives me makes me.... special. :-D

A scripture that has been on my heart lately is Acts 7.
Stephen is preaching in Jerusalem, the first part of sermons attracted a crowd, it was truth, but comfortable truth that the religious leaders could agree with. Then he gets to the good part and in my translation uses the term "Stiff-necked people."
Stephen was still speaking truth, but now it was uncomfortable.
He ticked off the same people that killed Jesus. The process was about to repeat itself with Stephen. Stephen knew it.
He looked up at the heavens and saw something glorious. Literally.
Acts 7:55
But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed steadily into heaven and saw the glory of God, and he saw Jesus standing in the place of honor at God's right hand.

This question I pose to you. Why was Jesus standing?
In every other reference Jesus is sitting at the right hand of the Father.
So why here... is Jesus standing?

I'm thinking... Standing ovation.
Well done my good and faithful servant!
Stephen is about to die for what he believe is... for the Lord he loves so dearly. And there he is, with a standing ovation welcoming him into eternity.

At the end of my life I can think of nothing greater than to have a standing ovation welcoming me into heaven. Either that or I leave like Elijah.
God can pick. :-)

After all the spiritual warfare surrounding myself and my friends lately, it has been a fight every single day. I keep thinking though... standing ovation. And then, there's that part where you get to sit on the throne, with God! haha, I can't wait for heaven.

I want to live the kind of love that is deserving of that standing ovation. Deserving of the Savior rising to his feet off his throne of grace and bestowing an honor that brings a glorious close to a life well lived.

It is not an easy life to be sure, as I said, Satans been fighting every step of the way.
8 of my friends are about jump out of their cheers and shout when I say this, you know who you are.
Kill the Devil!

You know the Devils got it in for you. He has a plan to destroy your life, and he actively does everything he can to make you fall, to pull you out of Gods plan.
I hate him.
I really do.
Kill the Devil.
Becomes a battlecry, Kill the Devil!
In Christ, we have authority over anything he can do, and he has no business messing in the lives of those we love. He has no business interfering with our hearts trying to focus on the will of God.

It's time we step up, live lives worthy of a standing ovation, live lives everyday for Christ, even if we go to Hell at the end of the day, because its worth it.

Kill the Devil.
Rev 22:21
-Jason

P.S
Hey la, la dee da, la dee da, dee da, dee da da da

Authority, White Flags, And All the Pretty Flowers,

2007-03-15T18:27:00.000-06:00

I went to Mardi Gras today.
Me and Mardi Gras do not get along.
All that sin, emptiness.
It is the devils playground, his dominion. It's not hell, but you can see it from there.
So Satan rules that place.

God rules Satan.

I was there for outreach, went with the church and I handed out tracks.
It was depressing to see all those broken and empty hearts.
But it was amazing to see God move in the middle of the Devils space.
Haha, God made such a glorious appearance today, there was one point where I just had to go sit down because of what he did.
I could not stand.
Just a dose of Gods glory is enough to push back the devil has to offer.
All of the saved have that authority. We have authority over all in this world. It rocks.
Do not be afraid to do something crazy for God, you have all the power and authority. In John 14 Jesus says we can do the same things he did on earth, in fact, we can do greater things.
WE CAN DO GREATER THINGS THAN JESUS.

Go.

God has been dealing with me alot lately, molding me, I've been telling him that I don't care if it hurts, whatever he has to do to make me grow in him. Do it.
So he says. "You asked for it"

It is painful, it is glorious. He has called me to take some time out of things and put it into others things. Read: (Get off the internet and talk to me.)
Yea. Good enough for me.
He's called me to stop.
Stop doing everything and just stop... smell the flowers, living life without a pause ruins the rest. I am slowing down, I am stopping to enjoy the simple things in life. Smelling all the pretty flowers.

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die."

True that. I've used the title "I. Am... A Dead Man Walking" before, this is true of me. But I keep trying to resurrect myself. Things of this world, not even sins, just distractions, and they want my attention over God. Bad idea. Must stay focused.
God tries to show me everytime, before it even happens. But I'm not the brightest light you'll ever see. So it takes me a while. But then I get it.
I get it.
I'm waving my white flag to the heavens and saying
"Ok you have me, Can we go move mountains today Abba?"

You have the Authority to do greater things than Christ.
Once you surrender.

Have no fear, Salvation is here.

Rev 22:21
-Jason

Emotions, The still small voice, and You TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!

2007-01-16T18:01:00.000-06:00

Ok so I have something on my heart and me being the obsessive compulsive I am, I blog.
So emotions pretty much make the world turn around. Emotions can motivate (or un-motivate) a person like all but one other power in the universe. (Guess.)

Dare I say emotion can override even that power if u let it.
I apologize but Im going to get preachy.
Satan knows exactly the effect and power emotions have over you. He uses that like no other.

There is no temptation greater than that which you feel is justified.

"I can't help that Im angry with him after what he did to me."

YES YOU CAN!
The Bible says "Do not let the sun set upon your anger"
It also says "They will know we are Christians by our love."

Those two compliment each other don't they.
The Wright paraphrase (hehe) says "Fix your problems, get over it because the Creator of the universe will fix what you can't and the sun will rise tomorrow and he will bless you for your faith, though you may not see it for some time."

"They will know we are Christians by our love." (Not really a paraphrase needed here)
1st Corinthians 13 gives the traits of love, anger is not in there, I actually double checked for reasons that make up a whole nother blog. lol

Everyone sins, it is not the sin the shows the character of a person, it is how they conduct themselves afterwards that shows their true colors.

Don't you dare judge someone on their mistakes. You are to love them unconditionally, as Jesus did. Their crime is of no consequences, or even how they conduct themselves afterwards, the greatest commandment is to love.
So by all means, do one of the great things God designed you to do,

Love.
Love without expectation, Love without ever expecting get anything back, you are loved by God, and he will give you friends who unconditionally love you, but do not expect, because this world will only fall short of what your looking for.

God will always give you the strength to love, no matter how angry you get, or hard it becomes, if you ask you will receive.
I found this awesome translation of the Bibles that refers to love in the context of a woman, this is 1st Corinthians 13:5-7
And never is she rude,
      Never does she think of self
      Or ever get annoyed.
      She never is resentful,
6      Is never glad with sin,
      But always glad to side with truth,
      Whene’er the truth should win.
7      She bears up under everything,
      Believes the best in all,
      There is no limit to her hope,
      And never will she fall.

I just wanna say the Bible is a really good book.

You can control your emotions, your desires, liking someone is a choice as well as making them your enemy. You can take the view of complacency with your emotions, or you can take responsibility with what you think and feel. It's a terrifying thing to take control of the dark places of your mind. But then again, if the creator of the universe is with you, then is there anything to be afraid of?

There are defenses in everyones minds. Emotions are such powerful things that we just grow into protecting ourselves. Keeping some things secret from others, even ourselves. These walls need to come down. I've had walls, trust me as terrifying as it may be to let down your defenses, it is worth it, because then and only then can you experience Gods love in its purest form, and radiate it to those around you.

You say you can't, or that there is nothing wrong with the walls you do have.
Well your right, you probably can't get them down by yourself, it takes help.
So there's nothing wrong with the walls you have, well then, tell me something.
Has anyone ever asked you what your keeping inside? Maybe the fact that they can see it means it needs to come out? It's already coming out anyway, stop fighting it, or it will kill you slowly until you finally break down and all those walls go up stronger than ever before, after of course, the worst pain of your entire life from everything coming down at once.

You can't help yourself alone.

She bears up under everything,
      Believes the best in all,
      There is no limit to her hope,
      And never will she fall.

Rev. 22:21
-Jason

25,000 Jesus Freaks, old new friends, and the walking anti-depressant

2007-01-05T23:12:00.000-06:00

25,000 Jesus Freaks, old new friends, and the walking anti-depressant

Here again is the list of people that are here:
David Crowder* Band, John Piper, Louie Giglio, Charlie Hall, Chris Tomlin, Tim Hughes, Christy Nockels, Beth Moore, Leeland, Shane and Shane, Matt Redman, Francis Chan, Steve Fee, Shawn Mcdonald, Aaron Shust.

It begins Sunday with a 6 hour drive accompanied by C.S Lewis and a little David Crowder.
I must get myself properly krunk.
Mac spellcheck is incomplete and does not include my creative wordage. Blah.
Anyway, I spent the night at my old friend Sams house with the company of Rob Bell videos and some lovely guitars.
Passion 2007 Day One 2:early A.M
My cell phone needs a nicer more considerate alarm, i file this away in my mind to remember in a time when I can change it, even though I wont remember it until it bothers me again.
"I'm up, the sun is not up, this is unnatural."
We go to Sams church and meet his friends, Which are awesome, we all load up to head to passion. ROAD TRIP!
Yeehaa!
So we get the party started at registration, where the term for myself is first used by someone besides myself. "The walking anti-depressant."
Sweet!

Wow. So tonight as I write this it is one 3 A.M on day 3. A few hours ago Charlie Hall, Chris Tomlin, Christy Nockels, and Louie Giglio kicked off this 4 day party. Now, at this point I imagine your disappointed at my lack of excitement over what I've just experienced. Well, im exhausted, but for the sake of you my readers....
*clears throat*
YYYYYEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!
AAAAWWWWWEEEEESSSSOOOOMMMMEEEE!!!!!!!!
Anyway.....

2007 Day Two 2:freaking early A.M
My cell phone needs a nicer more considerate alarm, I file this away in my mind to remember in a time when I can change it, even though I wont remember it until it bothers me again.
Beth moore speaks that morning, Amazing message, even though shes a little nutty. (I'm sorry but my guy-ness does not allow accurate communication between myself and her.)
But I digress, Chris Tomlin is one of the best worship leaders in the world.

David Crowder had a session where he and Mike Hogan talked about their book, "Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die, or the Eschatology of Bluegrass." Yay Marty Freakin Stuart! (inside joke dont worry about it)
It's amazing, go buy it.
So I've decided David Crowder is the coolest man on this earth, I'd already decided that, but it is now reaffirmed. He has an orange macbook, and has a hair style named after him.
My hero.
He told some stories that were just hilarious and kinda weird. Yay weird people with hair that adds feet to their height!
Francis Chan preached what was arguably the best message of the week on this night. His illustrations included Pez Dispensers and Jack Bauer, so you know it was amazing.
Community Groups happened every night and was the time we had to talk about what God was doing in each of us, there was always something. This group is in my photos, just that group of 8 or so, we got so close over the week, oh I miss them so....

Day 3: I didn't even know a clock could show time this early in the morning.
My cell phone needs a nicer more considerate alarm, I file this away in my mind to remember in a time when I can change it, even though I wont remember it until it bothers me again. Caleb White and myself get up 2 hours after we go to bed to go to the Kneel Center. This is Passions prayer center, you can go 24/7 during the concert and pray. It sits at the bottom of a 5 story waterfall in the Atlanta World Congress Center. I had a nice talk with God in the peace of that place, it was pretty much awesome.
John Piper speaks and does his thing, in his breakout session later that day he cusses, which made me laugh. Call me a sinner but it was funny. :-)
That night Louie spoke on missions, and it was probably the second best message for the week. I'll probably write a blog on it later....
I went to a Leeland concert too, Leeland is flippin awesome. Its like Mae meets red jumpsuit apparatus x2+Jesus=Go buy their CD.
I cannot forget the candlelight service, they marched all 25,000 of us into a field where there was a stage set up and gave all of u candles. They do some awesome music and we light our candles and they set up a cross in a field right in the middle of downtown Atlanta. It was amazing. This was followed by the most amazing concert ever.
I get to the room on day four and stay up having deep conversations till 4 a.m

Day 4 7:00 A.M
My cell phone needs a nicer more considerate alarm, I file this away in my mind to remember in a time when I can change it, even though I wont remember it until it bothers me again. I somehow turn it off without registering a conscious thought that this means "GET YO LAZY SELF OUT OF BED"
8:40 A.M
I wake up.
I feel like doing a John Piper but my first word of the day is restrained to "crap."
I do two hours of getting ready and packing and showering in 20 minutes. I'm pretty sure God stopped time for me, but its Passion so I imagine that happens regularly to most everybody.
Louie talked about how we basically blew away all estimates for giving and missions volunteers and stuff. There will be no Passion 2008. There will be smaller regional events that will only last a weekend. Passion itself is going international. Its kinda awesome.
So thats the general extraordinarily abbreviated version of my week at Passion 2007. I will be blogging about the specifics for months. lol
God did so much in everyone in so many ways, there are no words for much of it, but I will bring you what I can. Stay tuned.

Rev. 22:21
-Jason

The Rebel, The Redemption and this is for all the little people....

2006-12-09T15:22:00.001-06:00

I have a leather jacket that is so cool. Those of you have seen it know what im talkin about, and probly just smiled a little bit when you thought about it as you mumble something to yourself about me being a dork and needing new clothes.
Shush. Your getting me off track.

There are a few theorys for why I like "The allegedly bulletproof semi-shiny jacket of rebellion"
1. It has shiny stars on it, Im fond of shiny things
2. Its unique, and vintage. Word.
3. It has shiny stars on it.
4. It is theoretically bulletproof
5. It's black, i look good in black. (I probly should throw the word "theoretically" in this statement to.)
6. It has shiny stuff on it, and stars that shine in the light-I know how to make it glow. (Lord help me I've referenced a rap song in a blog.)
7. It makes me look like a rebel

Now... I choose to ignore the first 6 points and focus on the last one.

A rebel can be a fun title, especially one so mischievous (yay spellcheck!) as myself. I went to University of Mobile friday and saturday and spent the night on campus. Starting there next fall yay go college but anyway....

I love the thought of the freedom, of doing stupid crap that you will look at the scar later and laugh about it. Now, ill pretend every girl reader didnt just think with a sigh "boys" and i'll press on.

I used to be a rebel against authority in general, just a rebel, the quiet kid who never got caught but most certainly did some things he wasnt supposed to. lol
(What can I say I'm good at what I do.)

In case you don't know my life story ill put it in a run-on sentence sized nut-shell and you can ask about the interesting parts and ill tell you.

Little kid, church all the time, meant jack squat, questioned Gods perfect will, suicide, moving, growing up, finding Jesus fo real, finding joy, finding true friendship, being blessed, growing in Christ, finding a girl, breaking up with girl cause she doesnt love Jesus, growing up more, loving Jesus more, finding true love from above, finding purpose.

Yea ask about anything you want and ill tell ya.

So I found God, and I found love and I found purpose. I'm still a rebel, but now I have a cause.

I am Vindicated!
I am forgiven, I am redeemed of everything I have done wrong.

I rebel not out of being conceited, but because the expectations of this world are nothing, NOTHING compared to what I have found. I rebel against this world and what they tell me to believe, because I can do better!!!

I am Vindicated
I am running for the finish line
Just this time, This loser will get a crown

I run the race,
my steps I will never retrace
for the cause I run for you,

The cause of love
the cause of grace
the dream of when I will see you face to face

Just wrote that, you should hear it with a guitar....

We are so infinitesimal compared to God.
I feel so small in the shadow of him, even seeing tiny glimpses of his power leaves me breathless, in tears, trembling, for lack of a better word.... high. (Yea i said it, lol)

Our human bodies and minds can't handle the power of God, seeing him would kill us, and just the glimpses we get of things he does leave us so affected. I love it.
If you've never felt that, here's how:

When we passionately pursue the cause of Christ, the evidence of Gods glory becomes all the more evident, it becomes on your mind more than anything else. Praying unceasingly becomes a reality, and the desires of your heart match those of the one who created you.
It is not easy, the harder you strive for Christ the more satan fights you. I say to him bring it on. I am madly in love with the creator of the universe, I have already won.
All the people who do big things, because they see how small they are in the sight of God. Then God did something big through them, watch for it, it happens all the time.
God Bless the little people....

We have already won!
Rev. 22:21
-Jason
P.S. I copied this blog from myspace for my first blog here. All future blogs will be posted in both places, but lets just admit... this is cooler.